Socialites In Training

There is nothing gets on the collective tits of administrative assistants quite like people who don’t do their homework properly before giving them a job to do.

Case in point, the boss who asks an assistant to get them a set of flight options from City A to City B, which will have them landing in City B at or before 10 a.m., and a return flight, the same day, that will have their pampered, indecisive little butt back in City A by 7 p.m. so they can spend some quality time with their demanding spouse and precocious 2 year old. They also tell you to go ahead and make these reservations and let them know when it’s done. Now at first glance that’s a simple little request that is easy to fulfill because it is specific and concise.

You find the relevant information – Flight A will have you in City B thirty minutes before your deadline, leaving ample room for delays or airport congestion, with no faffing around with plane changes or being routed through some backwoods time warp like say…Omaha (sorry Omaha but really…) and Flight B will have you back in City A in perfect time to placate your soaped-up, screaming toddler who wants to know why mommy thinks work is more important than her bath-time. Voila! Itinerary complete.

When said flight reservations are passed along to boss, they are sent back immediately with a note that says, “Is there nothing returning later than this at all, like say a 9 p.m. flight?” like they’d inquired, or even hinted about later flights even once. I mean what part of, “I must be back home by 7 p.m.” implied you might like a much later flight? Nothing, that’s what, you degenerate, brainless shrew.

And so you rearrange the flights, complete with new 9 p.m. departure (sheesh!) and all the accompanying paperwork, just to be told, “Oh. It’s on American. Wasn’t there anything on Continental? Even if it’s much earlier?”

Then you look up the number for Office Management to see if you can borrow a crowbar to bash her head in until she is dead.


6 Responses to “Socialites In Training”

  1. katrocket Says:

    Perhaps you should teach that bitch how to flap her arms so she can enjoy the luxury of flying home whenever the hell she’s ready.

    Oh, I’m sorry that I used the word “bitch”.

    I really meant to say “cunt”.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Now there’s a suggestion!

    I figured I could just offer to charter her a private jet to be at her beck and call whenever the urge took her because I’m sure the company would love that bill.


  3. pistols at dawn Says:

    I hate people who have airline requests. Really? That’s great that in 1989, you signed up for a Pan Am frequent flyer card, but all airlines are essentially the same (excepting of course Always Crashin’ Airlines, who are on the ground more often than Greyhound). Sure, like everyone else in the world, I prefer the delicate, nuanced journalism of American Way magazine, but if I have to suck it up and page through Delta’s Hemispheres, I’ll find a way to live.

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    My fave, Mr. Pistols, is when people call up all bent because they’re at the airport earlier than they thought and they want me to change that 4:40pm flight they have booked to one that leaves at 4:20pm instead, meaning a lot of paperwork and cajoling with travel agents and car services for me for the sake of some diva saving 20 minutes.

  5. pistols at dawn Says:

    But she found the cure for cancer during those 20 minutes, right? So in a way, you kind of saved millions of lives.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Sure, if by “cure for cancer” you mean “spent $20 on magazines for the flight” then yes! I feel so much better now. You always put things in perspective.

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