Putting the "Ass" in "Assistant"

One of the few fun perks of being an Executive Assistant (and I do emphasize “few”) is we get to read a lot of illiterate emails and documents from other people meant for our bosses and some of those emails and documents make a person scratch their head in wonder at how the sender manages to dress themselves in the morning.

The most fun though are typos. You see some marvelous typos that make you lose all decorum while indulging in a big, fart-inducing guffaw.

There was one time, while in the midst of languishing away at the hands of Mr. Panty-Waist and his lackeys, when my good friend, The Evil Queen, received an email regarding internal client discussions, within our team, which she promptly forwarded to me with a triumphant snort. The reason for that snort? What the email actually inquired about was the possibility of conducting some, “interanal discussions”, which, seriously, I would have agreed to in a second because that sounds infinitely more interesting than discussing media plans and talking points.

The best part however, was when I emailed my other good friend and coworker, Timo, to share this hilarity. Now Timo is not such a great speller himself so he aptly retorted with an all caps, “Sheiks of delight!” at the typo. Now quite obviously, he meant to say “shrieks”. However, the result was so much more fabulous. Not surprisingly, the “Sheiks of Delight”, quite apart from being in the running for the name of my next band, amused me to the point of breathlessness.

Naturally, this being me, and me having the maturity level of Pauly Shore, I spent the rest of the morning giggling intensely and occasionally snorting to myself. If The Evil Queen asked me who had the latest client invoice I would reply with, “Gee I don’t know, maybe the SHEIKS OF DELIGHT took it?”

At some point in the proceedings the two daily amusements combined into the “Sheiks of Interanal Delight” which, in contrast, sounds quite horrifying and is possibly the name of a special ops gang of terror lords that Al Qaeda would consider using on prisoners.

Quite frankly, when you work in office land you take your infantile humor where you can find it.

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11 Responses to “Putting the "Ass" in "Assistant"”

  1. pistols at dawn Says:

    That is fantastic, although I never want to see “interanal” on any foodstuff I handle. One ass is enough for me, thanks, let alone a transit system between the two (a Habitrail?). And can Congress regulate interanal traffic, or only interstate?

    So many questions thanks to one extra letter…

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    It does kind of sound like some underground network of the butt. “I’m a member of the interanal delta force!”

    Ew. Just. Ew.

  3. Bert Bananas Says:

    At least interanal activity doesn’t sound as messy as exteranal activity.

    They have a warning on police department mop handles now: “Not for Interanal Use.”

    Eteranal search for love?

    A keranal of corn? Where have you seen that before?

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    Bert’s kind of scaring me now…

    Although yes, police procedure now states that all plungers remain “unplunged” if you get my drift, therefore preventing any future “interanal” intrusions.

  5. pistols at dawn Says:

    I’ve never really thought about putting the ‘ass’ in ‘assistant’ before, but I have thought a lot about putting it in the assista-

    Never mind.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Way ahead of you Pistols. WAY ahead.

    It’s going to take a lot of soap to remove that image from my mind.

  7. katrocket Says:

    “Shieks of Delight” is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

    I was fortunate to have co-workers who could spell, but no one is safe from typos when typing fast and furious. I have committed grave errors myself:

    Last January, I had a terrible cold and was feeling crappy, so I decided to call it a day, and wrote a quick e-mail to my boss through my Contact-C haze:

    “I’m not feeling well, so if it’s okay with you, I’m going homo.”

    My boss is gay, and thankfully has a great sense of humour, because he wrote back: “Awesome! You’re gonna love it, girlfriend!”

  8. pistols at dawn Says:

    Fantastic. I’m going to start doing more cough syrup at work in the hope of providing similarly hilarious stories.

    Guv’ner, perhaps drinking large amounts of cough syrup will help you remove that image from your mind. It certainly helps me forget all the sub par television shows I’ve wasted my life on.

  9. The Guv'ner Says:

    Kat: I almost passed out from wheezing there. Tears. On. My. Face. That’s exactly the type of thing that just makes my day stop dead in its tracks. I would be useless for the rest of it after that gem.

  10. Chris Says:

    Working at a print shop, my typos often end up in, well, print. I once designed a newsletter, which got printed, with an article about someone who changed their working hours, the headline of which was “Arty Takes Second Shit.”

    I’ve also learned that religious people have little sense of humor, and spellcheckers will often change Rabbi to Rabbit. I suppose it could have been worse… “Rabbit to Speak at Second Shit.”

  11. The Guv'ner Says:

    Oh. My. God.

    Chris…

    I honestly was in the foulest mood imaginable until I read that. Now I’m snorting like a pig and causing my cat to eye me suspiciously. If I got a newsletter with a headline of “Arty Takes a Second Shit” I think I would not only write you fan mail, I would SUBSCRIBE.

    Also, I really want to hear about the Barmitzvah holding rabbits. Really. Do the yarmulke’s have special holes for the ears?

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