Do Not Feed The Admins

If there’s one thing the Guv’ner hates about a work day (actually there are many, but let’s focus here), it’s when the cafeteria promises one sort of nourishment for lunch and when you go to collect, provides something entirely different.

Like, for example, you’ve had a hard morning, typing, running around, calculating things (like best murder instrument in your desk drawer) and sticking push pins in a voodoo doll of an ex boss you still want dead, you want some comfort food. You know, some sustenance with a calorific value that would make Jenny Craig faint. So when your new spanky phone leaves you a computer generated voice mail with today’s cafeteria specials (this phone should be on the Enterprise, who else has a phone that tells them menu specials and emails them voice messages, huh!) and boasts “Macaroni Cheese” as the special main meal of the day, causing one to bounce up and down with cheerful anticipation, and drool on one’s clean shirt, it is not acceptable to provide this poor, hard-working individual with a green bean casserole instead. People in less civilized nations (like England) have been hung, drawn and quartered for less.

This switch does not make for a happy Guv’ner who had an egg salad sandwich with a dressing of spite just to make a protest.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, when has anything ever made for a happy Guv’ner? Well there was that one time at my last job where the mailroom guys arranged for a pitcher of lemonade in the fridge of the executive kitchen to be uh…how can I put it…enhanced with a much more alcoholically potent substance, providing many happy menial employees, one step closer to telling their boss where they could put their “monthly report”. Good times.

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9 Responses to “Do Not Feed The Admins”

  1. katrocket Says:

    Okay I’m confused – did the mailroom dudes put roofies in the lemonade, or did they piss in it? Both are “potent” and both would make for “many happy menial employees”.

    I almost hope it’s something even worse than these things. Tell me!

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Ha! That thought actually occurred to me after I wrote it but I stupidly thought, “Pah! I didn’t say ‘contaminate’ the lemonade, I said ‘enhanced’ so obviously they’ll know I mean vodka!”

    Damn you woman. 🙂

    It was GOOD lemonade. Not pee pee.

  3. The Guv'ner Says:

    I made an amendment for you miss Kat. Just in case you have an image of urine swilling assistants you can’t shake. 🙂

  4. katrocket Says:

    Thanks for the clarification, Guv’ner. here’s what threw me off completely: “the executive kitchen”.

    In the places I worked, admin and junior staffers would never have enjoyed “executive kitchen” priveleges. There was a big, normal looking “staff kitchen” for all employees, and an far nicer, oooh-la-la kitchen for the senior management, and drinking lemonade from the latter’s fridge would be grounds for torture…

    ….or much worse: GOSSIP.

    “Who does that bitch think she is? She was using the exec kitchen! ***Gasp!***”

    So you see, I was thinking only your bosses could access the lemonade, making it much less fun to add alcohol to it, and much more fun to add, well, anything else.

    *sigh* The more I try to explain myself, the stupider I sound.

  5. pistols at dawn Says:

    You get lunch specials sent to your phone? I find it hard to complain about that future world you’re living in, but so great is my love for mac and cheese that I will grant you this complaint, and curse you for making me want to drive miles in search of a similarly delicious meal.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Kat: Well yes, indeed most establishment have “them and us” kitchens but as an Exec. assistant I had the privilege of using the Executive kitchen to microwave my pitiful frozen lasagna and store 3 day old yogurt in the fridge also it was an open kitchen that anyone could walk through to get from one area to another. But while the mail guys would have been delighted to provide a “sample” in the lemonade of the executives themselves, for the rest of us they preferred to make a real, bona fide party. Those made afternoons so much more enjoyable.

  7. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hey PAD.

    The voice used to tell me the lunch specials sounds like a distorted German robot. TOO-day THEE speSHALS are… It’s quite comical.

    But does not excuse “Hans” trying to sell me macaroni that does not exist.

  8. old lady secretary Says:

    I guess you’ll just have to go here http://www.supermacnyc.com/ for dinner.

  9. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hey old lady! Don’t think I haven’t had that site bookmarked since you sent me it eons ago. I drool just reading the menu…

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