People Are Strange

Sometimes the smallest task can be a touch surreal. This morning I had to order a car service for four separate trips to and from the airport for my younger boss. Normally, the routine goes, you dial the number, some dullard who hates people, therefore is ripe for the customer service industry, drones, “*sigh* Hellothisiskeishahowcanihelpyew?” sounding like they would much rather push a fork through their eyeball than give a flying crap about helping your ass. Then when you suggest you might like to reserve more than one car they sigh even louder like, “You’ve got some freaking nerve asking me to do my job when I have my nails to polish!”

So imagine my surprise when this morning, instead of a member of the plankton family, I got an awesome, drawling, laid back, Jamaican chick named Tiffany, who not only was agreeable to my four car demand but was so laid back and pleasant about it, I thought she must be dangling a giant doobie from her lips as we spoke. You can take the girl out of Jamaica but you can never take the Jamaica out of the girl.

Truly, I want some of what she was having. Nothing was too much trouble. She sounded vaguely miffed I only wanted to spend twenty minutes on the phone with her when I could so easily have booked a year’s worth of cars and she wouldn’t have broken a sweat. I swear to God I am not embellishing this conversation. Much.

Me: Hi Tiffany, I’d actually like to make four reservations, if that’s ok.
Tiff: Why sure, Sugar. That is never a problem. That is why I am here! Who is the first one for?
Me: Well, they’re all going to be for [boss’s name]
Tiff: OK…I see his number comes up as [boss’s number] and his address is [boss’s address]. Will he be using that address and number?

*this in itself is impressive because normally I have to spell the guy’s name fifteen times and they still get it hopelessly wrong

Me: Yes, he would indeed. That’s great you have that, it saves me so much time!
Tiff: Well I’m happy if you’re happy. That’s fantastic! That’s super.
Me: He needs to be picked up at five a.m. on the 27th.
Tiff: Five huh? That’s pretty early! That’s wonderful! I just love early mornings. It’s so peaceful. Mmmm hmmm. Beautiful!
Me: Not for me. I’m not a morning person. I’m a night owl.
Tiff: I love mornings. I’m up at five every day. It’s just fabulous! The start of a new day!
Me: Um…ok.
Tiff: Now, he’s going to the airport? That’s great.. You know, I love the airport…
Me: Yes, the airport, thanks.

We then went through the other three reservations in much the same manner, where Tiffany pronounced her love of everything from “complete addresses” to “fabulous customers”. Honestly, I really do want what she’s on.

I hung up slightly terrified that I might just have made contact with an actual alien.

And the thing is, none of what she said was said in an even remotely sarcastic or condescending way. She really just loved everything!

This has thrown my whole day off. My brain’s having trouble comprehending.


14 Responses to “People Are Strange”

  1. KatzeKitty Says:

    I was recently introduced to the concept of: If you have to do something, you may as well enjoy it.

    Easier said than done, for sure. Still, wouldn’t life be great if this philosophy became engrained in your psyche?

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    If it became ingrained in MY psyche, people would start bolting their doors shut and nailing boards over the windows because the apocalypse would surely be approaching. 🙂 But yeah, it was oddly refreshing to hear someone devoid of apathy for a change!

  3. Chris Says:

    I’ve been home ill for a few days. Last night, my wife woke me up from a nice deep sleep. “Some voman vants to talk to you about a problem with our credit card,” she said, waving the phone at me. “She von’t talk to me. I told her you were sick, but she says it’s important…”

    I sighed and took the phone. It was some lady who rambled off about fifteen sentences in three seconds, ending with the phrase, “so before we just send that off to you we just need to record you giving your permission.”

    “Wait,” I said. “Are you trying to sell me something? I don’t want anything.”

    “But you have a line of credit,” she said. “This will protect you.”

    “What bank are you from?” I asked. She named some bank I’ve never heard of. “But, you see,” I said, “I don’t HAVE any credit cards with that bank. I haven’t used a credit card in years. We’re trying to pay everything off. How is it that I have a line of credit with YOU?”

    The lady ignored my question and again tried to get me to record a statement saying that I wanted to sign up for whatever this program was. “No,” I said. “I will not.”

    Then came the penultimate moment in the conversation. “Well,” said the lady, “I just don’t see what the problem is here.”

    “The problem is that you’re trying to sell me something I don’t want.”

    “You don’t have to be rude about it,” she said.

    “My wife told you I was ill, and that I was sleeping, but yet you conned her into waking me up. Then you try to sell me something I don’t want using high-pressure tactics. And I’m the rude one?”


    It’s nice to hear you had a good experience! That’s rare these days!

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    OMG those people are RELENTLESS! I used to be somewhat respectful and at least polite but now I’m just like, “Look what you’ve got I don’t want, even if it’s some big beefy baseball player and he’s oiled up and ready for action, so please don’t call again.” The ones who try to confuse you are the worst (as you mentioned). I feel bad for older people who maybe don’t have all their faculties or whatever and get conned into ordering things they don’t want, need or can afford. That makes me angry.

    I’m on a no call list yet still they call…

  5. Leonesse Says:

    Well, maybe you have the Queen of Ambien on your floor and the Queen of Prozac downstairs. You should hook up with these people.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    I just came over all queasy…

  7. T Says:

    You bitch! You mother-f-ing bitch!!!

    -There, you feel better?

  8. The Guv'ner Says:

    Ooooh that sent a definite tingle down my spine…

  9. T Says:

    You’re welcome, you fine-ass filly.

  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    You know, you are really freaking me out. I just clicked on your blog to see if there was any new action and YOU POP UP IN MY INBOX.

    OK, that sounded A LOT more dirty than I intended it to.

  11. pistols at dawn Says:

    You never let ME pop up in your inbox.


    I bet this nice Jamaican lady would loooove it if I did…

  12. The Guv'ner Says:

    I’m sure her inbox is popped regularly young man.

    Don’t even ask me about her outbox.

  13. Leonesse Says:

    Can you imagine her in the sack? What man would ever leave her bed? That was fabulous, I loved it, that was wonderful…

    Either that or you would want to throttle her for being so cheerful before your morning coffee.

  14. The Guv'ner Says:

    I’d rather not imagine that scenario this close to lunch, but hey. 🙂

    If only everyone had a job they loved that much.

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