Last Day Blues

It’s my last day at work until January 3rd and this combined with the fact my boss is in Chicago, is making me really, really disinclined to actually do anything. And I have stuff to do. Don’t think for a moment that a boss-free, last day before the holidays means slacking off, oh no!

Well maybe a little seeing as how I’m ignoring the work and writing this tripe.

I am awaiting some people in Mexico to email me some information so I can ship some large, oversized item there for The Boss. Considering we’re talking about a huge, fuck-off sized, posh resort, they weren’t much for speaking English when I called them earlier. And most of me thinks “Well why should they? They’re in Mexico. We lazy-assed English speakers could make the effort to speak Spanish after all!” but really, an international resort and they don’t speak English? My Spanish is nothing to write home about so I was sort of terrified I’d embarrass myself by saying something really lewd instead of what I was trying to say. Let’s remember here, almost my entire Spanish vocabulary was taught to me by the mailroom guys at my last job, so really you see my concern.

Side note: They taught me the correct response to anything I don’t know the answer to is, “Me gustan culitos grandes!” (I like big asses) and by “asses” I am under no misconception they meant “donkeys” or “burros”. “Me gustan burros grandes” however, might be even ruder… If this fails I’m to say “Yo quiero bailar un meringue repiado!” which loosely translated means “I like to get down and dance a good meringue!” which, although no help whatsoever, not to mention a blatant lie, might distract them enough to get away with it.

I also have to compile a comprehensive list of management in NY and London for holiday cards, because there is nothing like leaving these things till the last minute. And even though this year our company have an online flash version of our holiday card whose whole aim is to save paper, The Boss must have paper cards in envelopes. Naturally. Because it is the proper way.

Needless to say, I have no enthusiasm for any of this and I forgot my iPod so I have no music. Gasp! What am I to do without music? Really, they shouldn’t even expect me to work in these inhuman conditions.

Anyway, here’s wishing you all a happy holiday whatever it is you celebrate (even if you just celebrate cake and presents and booze like me!)

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28 Responses to “Last Day Blues”

  1. Teri Says:

    Merry Christmas, Guv.

    Stay strong!

    Enjoy Scotland!

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Strong and WARM! BRRRR! It was minus 10 last night in Scotland. Fabulous. Really.

    Happy Christmas Miss T.

  3. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    Happy holidays Guv! I wish we were going to a posh Mexican resort. Maybe you could bundle me up in that big package. MDH is spending his evenings this week planning an imaginary vacation for us in Hilo.

    I’ve always wanted to go to Scotland, but not in December. Hope you get lots of hugs and pints to keep you warm.

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    Lady, you just gave me the most fantastic idea. I could TAKE ALL THE GOLF CLUBS OUT OF THE PACKAGE and PUT ME IN IT! LOVELY!

    I doubt The Boss would agree however when I showed up instead of his nine iron.

    *have no idea what a nine iron is.

  5. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    Pish, Tosh! He probably needs you around to help him figure out how to use the hotel key card and dial home on his cell phone – he can always rent golf clubs.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Then I think I will stick with hot drinks in Scotland. I am not going to Mexico to WORK when there’s a beach right there looking blue and fabulous. On the upside, I could murder The Boss and probably not get extradited since they like criminals down there, no? Of course I’d probably have to murder him HERE then ME go to Mexico. I must think this plan through properly.

  7. WendyB Says:

    Are you abandoning us till January?!

  8. So@24 Says:

    Damn you’re off early! I’m green with envy.

    Enjoy the rest of today!

  9. Suze Says:

    Now don’t forget to come back or I’ll track you down.

    Give me a call. I’ll sing to you over the phone since you didn’t bring your ipod. I made up some lame ass excuse and left work early so I have time to sing.

  10. BeckEye Says:

    Tell Ewan I said hi. And Merry Christmas!

  11. Chris Says:

    I wrote a really whiny post, but I deleted it.

    Have a good trip! We’ll miss you whilst you’re gone!

  12. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: I could probably have used the singing. It turned into the afternoon from HELL. I guess I’ll be writing about it sooner or later. Teeth grindingly annoying! :):) So sing away!

    SO@24: I know isn’t it great? I suddenly noticed I had five vacation days left and I’m sorry but that is criminal. I took 2 plus a floating day to leave early and I still got to carry 3 over to next year. Awesome. No more work till NEXT YEAR, yay!

    Beck: I’ll give Ewan your URL. I’m sure he and his massive appendage will be paying you a visit shortly. (or longly if you get my drift!)

    Chris: Thank you! And I sincerely doubt you will, plus my family have these things called COMPUTERS so you know…I’m never really gone when there’s a diatribe to write! :):) What were you whining about!?!

  13. The Guv'ner Says:

    WendyB: HAHAHA! Right. I can keep my mouth shut THAT LONG. I expect I will be popping in from the old country once we get electricity… 🙂

  14. Leonesse Says:

    Happy Holidays, Guv!

    My BFF lives in England. Do you know her?

    hahahahahaha

    Sorry, I had to because you get off work. I don’t get off work cuz I own the work. I have to be here, even on days like today where I would rather be anywhere else, because I am the boss. That sounds great until you realize that some of your customers (lookers) are nasty meth freaks. On every corner. Then, not so nice. Small town Americana became Small Town Methicana before I moved back here. And that is my own personal whine. Or Whinge, as my BFF says.

  15. Leonesse Says:

    In my defense that whine includes not feeling well and being awakened in the wee hours by my 17 yr old ralphing on the carpet in his room (nice bright orange stuff too), me stumbling around in the dark and freaking cold to find my robe, the carpet cleaner, and a bowl while keeping the pup from eating the vomit.

    Good times, good times.

  16. The Guv'ner Says:

    Leo: OK….that just concluded my urge to have a sandwich. I think I’ll give it a miss. ICK! :):)

    What’s up with people and meth? I mean it has no positives. Unless you like teeth like Shane McGowan of the Pogues and looking like Amy Winehouse.

    Hee. I typed WHINEhouse at first. It was way more accurate.

  17. minijonb Says:

    go have a great trip.

    …and the next time you leave your iPod behind, try pandora.com to find some good music to listen to.

    cheers!

  18. pistols at dawn Says:

    Say hi to my friend Steve for me – he lives in Gloustenshirebury! And enjoy yourself, dammit.

  19. Laughing through my chardonnay Says:

    Happy Holidays Guv! Hope you’re enjoying your vacation!

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dude I already am. I haven’t slept in 30 hours now and I’m totally DELIRIOUS! But it’s white and snowy here and effing cold. And naturally i’ll say hi to your bud in blahblahblahshire! 🙂

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    Oh and thank ye miss Chardonnay. There’s already been no sleep and beer. So far so good, huh!

  22. Suze Says:

    Merry Christmas Guv!

  23. minijonb Says:

    merry xmas eve… or whatever day it is over there on the prime meridian.

  24. The Idea Of Progress Says:

    Happy Christmas! I wish you could take me with you to Scotland! We’d drink tea together, and I’d watch you eat haggis. Do you personally know Belle and Sebastian? Do you have a kilt?

    Think of all of the fun times we’ll have! See, I’m culturally aware, and I know that all Scottish people also enjoy blood pudding. MMmmmmm.

    Happy Christmas to you!

  25. The Guv'ner Says:

    Merry Christevedaything SUZE and MINIJONB!!!! It’s actually Christmas day proper here now although it’s 1am so you know….still got some sleeping to do. Just got back from a weekend of debauchery (ok not debauchery so much as lazing around watching TV and drinking) in England with my friends in Nottingham. Now I’m back in Scotland and ready for some festive face stuffing. Have a good one!

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    IoP: I honestly would have taken you if my suitcase hadn’t already been full of a giant stuffed elephant which took up so much room i had to take less clothing hence wearing the same underwear for three days straight (I’m KIDDING!). I have now offloaded him during my weekend in England and now have oodles of space so feel free to pop over and i’ll take you back as cabin baggage. You do fit in the overhead bin right?

    As for blood pudding, that’s northern ENGLAND silly – I mean we eat it here in Scotland equally commonly but here it’s called BLACK PUDDING. I loved the stuff till I found out what it was and once I stopped retching and swearing and talking in tongues, I vowed to never eat it or haggis ever again.

    Both are sadly extremely tasty. Really!

    Also? Belle & Sebastian are not polite words you say in my company. Lily white, sun deprived PANSIES. 🙂 I don’t have a kilt either – it’s MEN who wear those, us ladies wear pants. Men wear kilts and you’re not permitted to wear anything under them either so I hear it gets chilly this time of year in the Netherlands, if you get my drift. And I know you get my drift. MERRY XMAS!

  27. ~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ Says:

    I’m gonna celebrate YOUR way next year! All this family-business wore my culito grande OUT.

  28. The Guv'ner Says:

    Cha right, Pixie! Actually I did nothing in that 2 weeks in the UK but eat, eat more, drink, catch a bad cold, get chronic insomnia THE ENTIRE TRIP and get wet. Damn rain. But it was THE MOST FUN EVER. 🙂

    My culito got even more grande after all those nibbles. OI!

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