Happy New Year?

The past two weeks The Guv’ner has been partying hard overseas and cultivating a quite spectacular head cold. Despite this frivolity and mayhem, the thought did cross my mind a few times that I probably should think about checking my work email, in case all hell had broken loose in my absence. This is not entirely unheard of, you see.

So indeed I thought about it. Then I thought “Screw that!” and moved along.

Well come on, there’s no point in actually checking it because if all hell has unleashed a pestilence of nasty while I’ve been gallivanting in foreign climes, I really don’t want to spend the last week of my vacation worrying about it when I should be drinking interesting drinks filled with noxious substances and relaxing. See my logic?

“I’ll have a quick look after Christmas!” I told myself, figuring that at least I could spend Christmas happy, drunk and carefree.

After Christmas passed into the mysterious holiday in the UK known as “Boxing Day”, my cold was getting worse so I decided I was much too unfit to check my email. Silly virus. I was not, however, too unfit to drink cocktails, eat my bodyweight in salty nibbles and chocolate and play “Guitar Hero” with an 8 year old hyperactive boy-child. Still one has to choose their battles, no?

Finally, New Year’s Eve arrived and I thought, “I really should check my work email because I ought to know if the boss’s golf gear didn’t make it to Mexico as planned or if the Chinese office didn’t send that letter I am relying on to get a visa or the visa letter from Moscow didn’t arrive as promised.” But then I thought, “I really don’t want to know these things because what can I do about them anyway except worry?” and this logic allowed me to happily back away from the computer, middle fingers extended in triumphant defiance.

So this morning, as I unlocked my office door with some trepidation, expecting a barrage of angry emails, voice mails, tasks gone wrong and giant cock-ups, there was instead serene silence. My letter from China sat neatly in my email inbox. The letter from Russia arrived by UPS at 10 a.m. All my questions were answered. All three of my voice mails were from a mis-dialed fax machine. The boss’s trip had been postponed a month giving me a much more realistic time frame to work with. It was fabulous.

I was immediately suspicious. How can this be? This is my world. Smooth sailing is not the norm here.

There is definitely an apocalypse coming. Remember I told you so.

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26 Responses to “Happy New Year?”

  1. WendyB Says:

    Welcome back! I threw a New Year’s party under your desk. Sorry for the spills and broken glass.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    So THAT’s what that was! Phew! I’m not sure about the gel like substance my big toe just touched however….dude….

    And aren’t you miss trigger fingers! I was still EDITING that and there you and your comment were!

  3. minijonb Says:

    you must have entered some kind of alternate reality where things work correctly. the shit is still hitting the fan in the “real” world.

    have a great ’08.

  4. MsPuddin Says:

    Omigod! We re all going to die! J/k Its just a new year, embrace it…

    Glad you got to have a holiday, sucks you were sick though (everyone seems to be sick lately)…

  5. The Guv'ner Says:

    Minijonb: I KNEW there was a reason for this serenity (and boss in a good mood!) Thank you! I have deduced I am still in bed asleep and having realistically horrifying dreams. I will wake up shortly to find all hell has indeed broken loose and reach for the bourbon. Phew!

    Ms. Puddin’: 2008 WILL be a good year if I have to drag it kicking and screaming into that state. So happy new year to you and your booty shorts! :):) My booty has expanded over the holiday thanks to British treats like mince pies and brandy pudding. Groan! No booty shorts for me till at least the summer. Not in public anyway…

  6. Leonesse Says:

    Guv! Salty niblets are the best but Rock Band beats Guitar Hero. I am planning to take my drumming on the internets and take on my friends’ son in the UK. I will smoke the lil’ cheeky bastard!

  7. The Guv'ner Says:

    Leo: It really doesn’t matter if ROCK BAND is better – I suck equally hard at both! I got 22% on Guitar Hero on the easy level. I mean how much suck can I have in me? I play REAL guitar and played in bands my whole life yet I can’t make a plastic guitar with knobs do a damn thing. TSK!

    Smoke that cheeky lil bastard your bad self.

  8. Teri Says:

    your logic is mind boggling.

    I’m glad there was silence and everything worked out. I’m praying this will continue throughout 2008.

  9. Teri Says:

    although, if everything is quiet and goes well you won’t have anything to blog about…..

    forget the best wishes for 2008, I take it back…..

  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hey miss Teri: Don’t waste your prayers, really. I give it till tomorrow before normalcy is realized at a resounding volume. But thanks anyway for the false hope, I appreciate it! :):) Happy new year!

  11. Chris Says:

    Wheee! You’re back! Missed you…

    Guitar Hero… My vunderful Viennese vife was very impressed that my 17-year-old step-nephew-in-law (?) could play guitar so well. “Vy did your bands struggle so much?” she asked. “Is dis kid a genius or vhat?” She was a little disappointed when I told her the kid was just pushing four buttons on a plastic guitar, and that he wasn’t really making the sound she was hearing.

  12. Suze Says:

    Listen you – first off – welcome back. Secondly, I do recall a certain comment that said “Europe does have an internet and I plan to blog”. Really? I checked and checked and checked – no guv. Is she being held captive? Fell off a barstool and hurt herself badly? No, just fun, fun, fun. I was going to invite to you play along with me and Leonesse on our “rock band” tour, but you’ve gone and hurt my feelings. I bet you didn’t even bring me anything back did ya? Now I’m in a snit!

  13. Some Goofy Woman Says:

    I’m glad it came out well. A post like this is not customary from you, but I’m sure it won’t take long for the daily grind to wear you down again and you get all kinds of grumpy again.

    Yay!

    -AD

  14. Laughing through my chardonnay Says:

    I knwo what you mean! I would be totally unsettled by the fact that everything went so smoothly. Or maybe, just maybe, your luck has turned?

  15. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: Well Europe DOES have an Internet – I didn’t lie or anything it’s just that there were so many things to eat and stuff to see and drinks to be had and then when I INTENDED to blog I got a cold and well I read someplace that blogging with a cold could kill a person. Who’d want to risk that? And I did bring you something, I brought you peace, joy and love. your world just got so much nicer! See?

    Chris: I was so bad at guitar hero, the video crowd couldn’t even be bothered to boo! Besides getting your butt handed to you by an 8 year old who says things like “Look at my booger! IT’s Christmas! I want Coke! I can lick my nose!” is just humiliating, frankly! 🙂

    Goofy: I expect tomorrow to be as traumatic as usual fraught with chaotic lunacy and people making me homicidal, but it was nice to edge back into it with a quiet day. Tomorrow you may hear teeth-a-grinding and a Guv’ner toting a machete. Be careful out there!

    Miss Chardonnay: I will go with unsettled. I sincerely doubt my life just began smelling like roses. Besides, behind every bunch of roses is a PILE OF SHIT! I hear. 🙂

  16. Teri Says:

    how come you don’t have email? you don’t want to hear from us crazies, do you?

    I tagged you, sorry!

  17. The Guv'ner Says:

    Teri: Of course I have email silly! Who doesn’t have email? TSK! I was just IGNORING my email. See?

    Tagged huh. I’m scared already…

  18. The Charming Hedonist Says:

    I hate that calm before the storm. It’s that feeling like something catastrophic is going to happen. And only the roaches will survive.

    Good luck with whatever it is.

  19. gizmorox Says:

    Yay! Welcome back. You were missed 🙂

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Why thanks Miss Giz! I tried texting you at midnight New Year’s Eve from the UK but I couldn’t get a single text out. Damn Brits and their phone love. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

    And Charming Hedonist, I am on it. I will not drop my defenses. Something is not right with the cosmos. Today is Friday and once again, no crazy. Was all the crazy deposited back in 2007? I seem to think not. Lull before the storm is key here. Something big and dangerous is coming. I must rest my whining brain for when that moment arrives…. 🙂

  21. pistols at dawn Says:

    You wanted something to go terribly wrong to feel needed, didn’t you? If it helps you, then we needed you.

    I mean, not really, but we’ll pretend for your sake. Just don’t ask any followup questions.

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dude, I don’t want to feel needed. I would prefer to just sit in here with the door closed being forgotten while I get up to no good on my own. Wreaking havoc is much more fun than organizing travel plans. I mean duh.

  23. BeckEye Says:

    Welcome back, and happy new year!

  24. The Guv'ner Says:

    Same to you miss BeckEye! May 2008 be full of fabulous for us all!

  25. minijonb Says:

    how’s that alternate reality holding up, Prime Minister? =:-) any crazy shit go down yet today?

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    As a matter of fact dear honourary citizen, I was just thinking “Can I be bothered updating about today’s crazy shit?” I might do it. I might. I might need a prod but I might. Actually it’s not so much crazy shit as annoying boss but hey.

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