Un-psychotic Secretary

After an evening eating cheese and burning fantastic, rare Doug Anthony All Stars video clips from YouTube to my computer (and thank the Lord for the people who make the applications necessary to do this!), I am a little tired, bored and simultaneously hyper today.

My mid-afternoon trip to the water cooler to fill my bottle was sadly disappointing, mainly because I never quite lose the hope that one day I will get there to find it full of frozen margaritas and served up by buff, winking men.

I said WINKING. (that joke probably only makes sense if you’re British, sorry!)

Even my meeting The Most Boring Woman In the World on my way out of the subway this morning couldn’t dampen my desire to run around doing things that didn’t involve bloody intent, which is uncharacteristic and slightly frightening. Yes, the Guv’ner was feeling mellow. And at one with the world.

I put the energy factor down to the fact I have commenced walking the 3 miles home from work again each day after a six week hiatus that I neatly excused by saying things like, “Oh, it’s raining slightly! I can’t possibly walk today or I’ll melt!” and “I feel a little off…I can’t walk for over an hour when I feel off, surely!” I’ve walked all week so far and apart from my calf muscles aching today I feel all rejuvenated and stuff.

And marginally less guilty about scoffing the chocolates in my fridge when I get home.

Hey I walked those suckers off! Don’t even talk to me about the flaws in that theory. Well they were just sitting there taunting me, left over from the holiday. The sooner I consume them the sooner I can move on, right? Right.

The Dark Überlord has been absent most of the day meeting with his teams, but the odds are good that he’ll show up all sprightly around 4:30 p.m. and want to do some serious transcribing or something equally unbefitting of a Friday afternoon and I’ll have no choice but to ram a letter opener into his heart with frantic, deadly force. I believe there’s a very ancient corporate law that states this is legal if it’s after one o’clock on a Friday because everyone knows you are officially on weekend time.

Damn Überlords and the horses they rode in on.


27 Responses to “Un-psychotic Secretary”

  1. Teri Says:

    don’t forget that:

    3500 calories = 1 pound

    don’t worry, this is coming from a woman who LOVES ice cream, and who doesn’t walk it off all the time.

    I’m glad you’re feeling one with the universe. I hope it lasts beyond today.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Teri: You are an utter BEEYOTCH. The end. 🙂

  3. Teri Says:

    : )

  4. CDP Says:

    Anything complicated after 1 pm on Friday afternoon? No jury would convict you.

  5. Suze Says:

    I’ve heard of that law. It’s a bloody good one and you should give it to him in the bollocks.

    I said bollocks and bloody. I’m practically bilingual.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    CDP: My point EXACTLY. It would be “reasonable cause”. I would probably get a pat on the back and a gift voucher.

    Suze: “give it to him in the bollocks” sounds a little too raunchy for what I had in mind, you perv. But I know what you meant. And I’m polishing my boots and firing up my taser to do just that.

  7. minijonb Says:

    i hear you about not being able to walk in the rain due to fear of melting. i moved out of Portland, OR due to the 8 months of rain they have in the winter. i was getting rusty.

  8. Leonesse Says:

    I used to have the perfect Heart Stabbing Letter Opener. Yes, there were times I eyed it in contemplation. I will say 3 Hail Stellas in penance.

  9. The Guv'ner Says:

    Leo: You do that. Say hi to Stella for me and her friend Corona! Lite.

  10. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    I used to glare at the phone daring it to ring on late Friday afternoons when I did software support for a computer company. Without fail someone who has never used a mouse calls at 4:55 and ask you something like, how do I make a pivot table?”

    I don’t want to kill you, I have to kill you.

  11. The Guv'ner Says:

    Lady: Too funny 🙂 Pivot tables are funny. Did you say things like, “Go back to where you came from you son of a whore!” and “Which body part do you wish me to kick first?” My last boss Mr. Panty Waist was the KING of starting work at 5pm on Fridays like the rest of us had no lives. I wanted him dead for 2 years. Hell, I don’t work there anymore and I STILL want him dead.

  12. Teri Says:

    Guv, I didn’t offend with that comment above, did I?

  13. Dee Says:

    It astounds me that there are still people that do not know the after-1pm-on-Friday-is-weekend rule: what is wrong with them? The people who book meetings at 5pm are the worst…

    DAAS – ah, now there’s some memories. Paul McDermott pashed my brother once.

  14. Ms. Laaw-yuhr Says:

    I wish I knew what winking meant.

  15. The Guv'ner Says:

    MiniJon: Damn, that’s why I left the UK! Rain, rain, rain. There was none of me left. Not that it doesn’t rain in NYC but it rains selectively not every DAY!

    DEE: OMG I would so let Paul McD. pash me! Pash. I love Australian phrases. Unfortunately, I survived on a diet of “Neighbours” and “Home and Away” back in the day so I understand. 🙂 But the DAAS just rule still. I hate that i never got to see them live. I do have the fantastic “Dead and Alive” on VHS which I’m trying to convert to DVD. Magic!

    Ms. Laaw-yuhr! Change the “i” to something else and voila! UK slang to go.

    Teri: WTH are you talking about woman? Like anything offends ME.

  16. Dee Says:

    And both Neighbours and Home and Away are still going *shudder* The beasts that will never die!

    Live they were a very vivacious bunch of chappies 😉 Paul McD has his own show now but it’s not a candle on the DAAS…

  17. Dee Says:

    Oh no! I just accidentally rejected your comment on my post! And it was such a good one 😦

  18. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dee: Ha ha ha – that’s ok, because when I left it I thought I’d done something to it myself! I can’t even remember what it said except I enjoye your paintings and was trying to motivate myself to do similar! 🙂

    The DAAS are one of my favourite things ever. I just missed them in Edinburgh one year and bought the video the following year and then when I intended to catch them next time they’d split! Typical. I loved their Channel 4 “Viva Caberet” show and I’ve only seen their Australian appearances lately through YouTube. They are so devilish and fun and Paul is quite a crazy hobo looking guy! 🙂 I have one of their books somewhere too…

    The same week I moved here to the U.S. one of my best friends moved to Brisbane, so I intend ONE DAY to actually get to Oz and visit.

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Um…enjoye=enjoy. I’m a moron.

  20. Dee Says:

    *grin* It was lovely – I’ve kept it via email, so at least I can take it out and read it when I’m needing ego-strokes!

    Paul has cleaned up somewhat and now wears a three-piece suit without the jacket all the time. It’s slightly disconcerting actually…

    Oz is definitely the place to be, and Brisbane has pretty much year round good weather. Well, used to, before this darned climate-warming thing started to happen. Now they have to drink recycled wee. Maybe come visit Melbourne instead 😀

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    Melbourne is pretty much top of my list actually. My mum and sister have both been to Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane and my sis spent some time in Cairns as well. I’m the only one yet to visit and my feet are getting itchy. I am determined to get down there at some point though. I also have a bunch of family in NZ so I figured I could kill many birds with one stone if I get down under…

  22. Dee Says:

    Free accommodation is also a big plus 😉 We’re doing NZ at the end of this year, unfortunately with no relatives to scam floor space off…

  23. The Guv'ner Says:

    All mine are way down south in Dunedin. I’ve never met any of them although the rest of my family knows them well. Australia is higher on my list of places to visit though. 🙂

  24. david mcmahon Says:

    Great to meet another Doug Anthony All Stars fan ….

  25. pistols at dawn Says:

    If you got fat enough, couldn’t you just roll the 3 miles home?

  26. Laughing through my chardonnay Says:

    I work out so I can drink wine. Seriously. If I don’t excercise I don’t allow myself a glass (a bottle) of wine, so I totally understand your logic about chocolate and walking 3 miles.

  27. The Guv'ner Says:

    DAVID: I know! I so rarely meet anyone here in the U.S. who has a clue who they are. It’s all Australians and Brits like myself. I miss those guys. I mean they’re a hard act to follow. And just downright wicked in the best possible way! 🙂

    Pistols: Dude, what a great idea. I therefore give up exercise and will up my cake quota to a whole cake every day washed down with Coke and Glee.

    Chard: Even if the chocolate has more calories than the walk burns I still notice a difference! And not just my aching muscles! 🙂

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