Crazy as a Fruit Pie

I made this for a comment on Doorknob Dan’s blog but silly Blogger won’t let me post images in comments and well…I spent a whole 2 minutes drawing it so I will damn well use it, even if I have to force it on all of you. The Guv’ner has no mercy. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Crazy chick.

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29 Responses to “Crazy as a Fruit Pie”

  1. MADAME LA PROF Says:

    Actually, it turns out it’s meth she wants! I think I’d like that graphic on a t-shirt.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    I was just reading about that. Only the National Enquirer seems to be saying this however, and I’m not sure how much sway I put on their reporting. She does have the classic meth complexion though. Sallow and spotty. Poor girl. Somebody ship her ass to a clinic in Alaska and fix her.

  3. ~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ Says:

    I will pretend the likeness to a certain pixie was an accident.

    hmph.

    Just kidding – I don’t have boobs.

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    Pix: Ha ha ha! Well uh…the coincidence is purely coincidental.

    I wish I didn’t have boobs. Damn things get in the way. Although it’s nice to have a place to keep your wallet if necessary. šŸ™‚

  5. Suze Says:

    Great – now you’ll be leaving the world of blogging to become a famous and wealthy graphic designer.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: Yeah I’m that talented. I mean I didn’t just draw that masterpiece in Microsoft Paint. Note the lack of actual fingers and the withered feet. That, my friend, is real talent. Quite frankly I don’t know why I’m not a famous artist.

    I draw about as well as I write. i.e. not very.

  7. pistols at dawn Says:

    How do you feel about her adopting the British accent? I think we should get all our white trash to do the same.

  8. The Guv'ner Says:

    I’m actually keen to hear this so-called British accent because I’m willing to bet it’s not all that AUTHENTIC. šŸ™‚ Probably like Dick Van Dyke in low riders.

  9. Bert Says:

    Now draw her being cured of her irrational behavior, becoming a rational human being and moving to Marin County to help Doris Day care for stray dogs and never appearing in public again, but in sepia.

  10. Leonesse Says:

    And where the hell have all those little animals she and Paris used to drag everywhere? Did they leave them in their other bag?

  11. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    Britt is sporting dreads and looks like she has to pee. Everything about your fabulous graphic makes me laugh. I’m glad blogger didn’t let you post it so that I got to see it here instead!

  12. Linka72 Says:

    Leonesse…she fed those dogs to the babies for lunch..I saw it myself.okay, maybe not

  13. Teri Says:

    oh wait, I thought for a moment you did another self portrait until I saw your Britney reference.

    hahahahaha

  14. Leonesse Says:

    Guv, did I just read that you are a geek? I am totally a Geek Goddess. I would have done very well as a Librarian.

  15. Leonesse Says:

    Oh, and I have kept my cell phone in my boobs when I didn’t have pockets. LK liked it abit too much. I am surprised he didn’t call me repeatedly.

  16. BeckEye Says:

    Um, you really need to come over and caption my Brit photo. There’s a firecrotch badge in it for you if you win.

  17. The Guv'ner Says:

    Bert: I draw crude illustrations in MS Paint and Photoshop I’m not a MAGICIAN!!! šŸ™‚

    Leo:I think the dogs are like handbags – they rotate them to match today’s outfit. I just don’t think Brit can find a dog that matches skankariffic meth freak though. I mean dogs are cute, no?

    Lady: They do look like dreads but have you SEEN her current weaves? She looks like she slept in a hedge for a month. And she CONSTANTLY looks constipated hence the stance.

    Linka is right – she eats puppy sandwiches with a nice cianti.

    Teri: Thanks SO MUCH, beeyotch.:) Because I am constantly wearing jeans that showcase my hoo-ha and tiny tops like that. I mean I just can’t seem to keep my clothes on!

    Leo: Geeks are sheckshay (as Sean Connery would say). That librarian thing is cool. The horn rimmed glasses off, hair down, sexy librarian. I mean if I was a guy I’d love that! I have perfect vision but I have often contemplated getting some non prescription glasses for the hell of it. Sucks that I look deranged and retarded in glasses however…

    Nice cell phone case. I’ve never truthfully kept anything in my cleavage but I guess I could fit my Metrocard in there to make subway entering easier!

    Beck: You know I will. However, there’s a “no chance of winning” award in it for me because I suck heinously at captioning anything, worst luck.

  18. Diane Mandy Says:

    The Dark Uberlord is still out of town, eh?

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Diane: Whatever gave you that idea? šŸ™‚

    Are you suggesting I have time on my hands?

  20. doorknob_dan Says:

    Your picture makes me feel even more sad for poor Britney.

    Sad because it’s perfect!

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    I’m sort of looking forward to her getting her act together and emerging all cute and flawless again. However I think it’s pretty unlikely. I feel pretty bad for her actually. She’s completely out of control and floundering.

    She needs someone to slap her and say “NO BRITNEY! YOU ARE NOT WEARING THAT!”

  22. doorknob_dan Says:

    If I were Britney, I’d:

    1) Stop staring at myself naked in the mirror. (It’s highly likely I’d be doing that because, “Hey? WTF? All of a sudden I’m a woman?!? Oh HAYYUULL, I’m Britney Spears! Hey, breasts?! OHHH, so THAT’S what it feels like! Ouch! Those women WERE right, these things aren’t dials! I PROMISE I’ll remember that little tidbit. Promise! Okay, change me back now! Hello…? God? Universe? Yoohoo? Oh man, I’m not George Burns at least. Not sure who to thank for that right now, but ‘thanks’ whoever it is that did this to me!”)

    2) Move far, far away from everything. FAR. Like ‘Tibet’ far. Hey, if you’ve got all this money and never have to worry about scrounging up rent, well, sayonara Hollywood!

    I don’t get why she chooses to stay in the nuthouse.

    I’d also buy some respectable clothes too. And some panties. Prolly cold in Tibet..remember: layers!

  23. The Guv'ner Says:

    Oh come now Dan, Mr-Canadian-Who’s-Had-Too-Much-Coffee. I doubt Brit-Brit has any feeling in her lady lumps since they’ve changed sizes more times than Oprah Winfrey and at this stage are probably made from other parts of her anatomy and some styrofoam.

    Plus if you were marooned on a desert island with that ratty skeez meister for a few weeks you know you’d still hit it. Then you’d get home and order a hazmat suit and chemical shower.

  24. doorknob_dan Says:

    George Burns?

    I think as a woman I’d find his cigars exponentially more appealing, if only for the Bill Clintonesqueness aspect of cigars themselves.

    Sigh.

    Okay, I’d hit it. Fine, you got me. I wouldn’t tell anyone though.

  25. The Guv'ner Says:

    I’d hit it too.

    With a tire iron.

  26. katrocket Says:

    Fucking brilliant!!! And why are you not an art director for TMZ?

    The word verification for this comment is fnpogme. F’n POG ME! Probably won’t be as funny when I sober up.

  27. The Guv'ner Says:

    I don’t know man. I’m stone cold sober right now and I’m chortling like a deranged person. POG ME!

    As for your first question, that would be because I have zero talent. Yup. I do however enjoy drawing quite a bit and will continue inflicting those on everyone regularly.

  28. doorknob_dan Says:

    POG ME?

    Do I detect a new catchphrase for something dirty and blog related?

    “Hey sexy blogger…why don’t you come over to my place after your rant about shoelaces and pog me? Mnnnnhmmm…*wink*”

    My wv: arbspepz šŸ˜¦

  29. The Guv'ner Says:

    You dirty beast.

    You’ll have to check with Kat. I’m staying out of it! šŸ™‚

    I want to be the first to yell “POG OFF!”

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