Last of the International Playboys

A cryptic message from the Dark Überlord on a scrap of paper on my desk, requested I procure him a flight on a certain date, to “Indonesia”. I am fairly convinced that the Überlord believes that “Indonesia” is a city and not an entire geographic region full of them. I am assuming he wants to fly to Jakarta but really, he could be going anywhere.

Especially if I have anything to do with it.

I looked up some information on Indonesian cities and got back a list of what looks like monsters in a low-budget, Japanese horror fest (“Bogor” anyone? “Probolinggo?” “Dompu”?), drugs with possibly nasty side effects (“Ciamis”, “Cilacap”, “Cinere”), or potential Latin prepubescent pop groups (“Menado”). Some of the others sounded like fun pastimes (“Sukabumi”, “Purbalingga”, “Bangkinang” and “Fak Fak”) or tropical diseases (“Bukittinggi” and “Sibolga” – “Mom, mom I have a rash on my cranker, I think it’s Sibolga!!!” the correct response being, “Don’t worry son, take two Cilacap twice a day and you’ll be golden!”)

And all them sounded infinitely more interesting than Jakarta although less lovely and tropically pleasing than Bali. My only real disappointment was not finding a town named “Punani” because that would have been a stupendous HEE moment.

I think I will await further instructions on this one for the sake of my sanity. Or I could just send him on a one way ticket to Fak Fak where he would have his orifices filled by the phallic appendages of well-endowed, evil tribesmen who would then roast him on a spit and shrink his head to the size of a wee, tiny pea. Ah one can dream.


17 Responses to “Last of the International Playboys”

  1. CDP Says:

    If you sent him somewhere in India or Malaysia, do you think he’d know the difference? Just a suggestion.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Of course he wouldn’t! I’m thinking of typing him out one itinerary and sending him on another and seeing if he notices. That would be the most fun ever!

  3. minijonb Says:

    Is Dark Überlord really thinking “Thailand” but he doesn’t even really know the difference between those two countries?!?

    …lot’s of crazy town names and things to do over there…

  4. doorknob_dan Says:

    Send him to Fak-Fak and see if he comes back with the Clap-Clap!

    You might also want to arrange one of those guy-guys that masquerade as girls-girls for some boom-boom, I’m sure he’d appreciate THAT!

    Seems like you have a lot of power in your hands. He’d better not get you mad!

  5. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    My old boss used to leave notes for me that said – “Nice work – FU”
    I assumed he meant “follow up”, but I would have loved for him to leave the country.

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Minijon: Haha he may well be. If he’s expecting to fly to Bangkok he’s in for a surprise then!!! 🙂

    Dan: I love all those ideas so much I am salivating. And writing them down. Because those girliemen are very convincing you know. He’d be in for a shock-shock that’s for damn sure! He’d probably be like “Whoa, those girls in the Phillipines are really hot!” Although I don’t know if Indonesia has the girliemen or if that’s purely a Thai delicacy…

  7. The Guv'ner Says:

    Lady: I just snorted I laughed so loud. FU! FU TOO BOSS! I love the idea of leaving someone a note with EFF YOU on it. 🙂 I do it in my dreams, daily!

  8. pistols at dawn Says:

    Amount of time this would have taken if you’d spent ten seconds asking him: eleven seconds.

  9. Suze Says:

    I’ll chip in for the ticket to Fak Fak. Maybe there he’ll ride a Yak Yak…wait I’m on a roll…I’ll be back back. Guv? Guv?

  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    That’s coincidentally the same time it would take me to punch you in both eyes!!! Twice!

    Plus he wasn’t here to ask. DUH.

  11. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: I think the company will finance his removal so no need for you to pay anything. Mind you I’D pay good money to see him on a yak yak! 🙂

  12. Baroness von Bloggenschtern Says:

    Perhaps it might just be, for once in your damn life, prudent to follow his instructions and book him on an Indonesian tour. Ya know, elephants, small boats down complicated waterways, out-of-the-way villages only accessible by donkey. I think, in his brief request, this is what he really meant. Just remember, when you’re incredibly important, a single word will speak VOLUMES. Write that down. It’s valuable advise, sister.

  13. katrocket Says:

    This post was certainly a “stupendous HEE moment” for me. “Punani” made me laugh… because I am immature.

  14. The Guv'ner Says:

    Baroness: That’s the sort of scenario that puts me to sleep at night with a huge smile on my face. I’d love him to get off his flight and instead of an executive limousine there’s an ELEPHANT waiting. I’m giggling at my desk just picturing this. I so want it to be.

    Kat: Join the immature club with me then. Putang would have done too. Even Fak Fak made me laugh. There is no hope for me.

  15. MsPuddin Says:

    No go with that last one, that sounds like a good idea…or I’m just as evil as you…

  16. BeckEye Says:

    Those town names are funny because they’re different than ours! (Modified Homer Simpsonism.)

  17. The Guv'ner Says:

    Ms. P: Damn straight woman. The more violent and painful the better I always say. Unless it’s about me, in which case I say “STUFF ME WITH CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY!”

    Beck: Homerism is frighteningly close to homoeroticism.

    OK not that close.

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