The REAL Super Tuesday Results

As the various states’ election results are still pouring in you may wish to check the official results against the Guv’ner’s much more realistic and not at all made-up predictions, which you can find RIGHT HERE! See? The Guv’ner speaks only the gospel truth.

I’m pretty certain you’ll find my predictions a lot more accurate in portraying who each state truly wanted to vote for. None of this Hillary or McCain or Obama nonsense.

My apologies to Michigan and Delaware who were just too hard to predict (or I forgot, whatever, sue me). I’m pretty sure Delaware would do whatever Maryland wanted and Michigan is practically Canada so who cares? (I’m KIDDING Michigan, honest, simmer down!!)

Don’t even think of suggesting that I have too much time on my hands. Or beer.

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29 Responses to “The REAL Super Tuesday Results”

  1. MADAME LA PROF Says:

    The only thing I have to say is that I denounce my West Virginia heritage as they went balls out for Huckabee. I had more-or-less denounced it before, but this certainly puts the nail in the coffin. Not that I approve of any of the Republican candidates, but this clown takes the cake.

  2. doorknob_dan Says:

    Fonz for prez!!!

    “Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy Iran youse gotta lay off th’ nuke prograaaams!!”

    Chauchi for vice prez!!!

  3. The Guv'ner Says:

    Madame: I saw that! He’s the most horrifying candidate to me as well. But take comfort in the fact he isn’t winning anything MAJOR like the presidency! I’m horrified that McCain might end up president and choose Guiliani or Huckabee as a VP but I doubt that would happen. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Dan: I’d totally vote for Fonzie, the oldest teenager in Milwaukee! ๐Ÿ™‚ If people got out of hand during debates he could swagger to the podium and yell “AAAAAAAAI! Sit on it!”

  4. WendyB Says:

    Fonzie has my vote!

  5. The Guv'ner Says:

    Fonzie would make things interesting for sure. He’d have all those Iraqis dancing to rock n’ roll in no time and coiffing their hair into neat, gelled quiffs.

  6. Teri Says:

    Um……how can you associate that Buttafuco guy with New Jersey?

    I’m appalled.

    oh, and the rest of the map is BRILLIANT!

  7. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    I’m glad your boss is out of town a lot so that you can make us lovely graphics.

    Ted Nugent lives in Michigan!@

    PS – I’m also a Huckabee hater after I saw him on some show arguing that the world would be a safer place if only everybody carried a gun. Talk about a fruit pie.

  8. CDP Says:

    I live in Maryland, and Delaware is totally our bitch. We vote next week in the “Potomac Primary” and Huckabee might take Virginia, since there are large parts of Virginia that might just as well be WV, or Tennessee, or Kentucky. I guess the one good thing that could come out of a Huckabee presidency is that I can be done with all of this tiresome studying and school work, since we won’t be needin’ any of that book learnin’. (shudder)

  9. Diane Mandy Says:

    Where was this election coverage when I needed it a 5am as I was forced to watch CNN live video stream via the Interent because I had nothing else to choose from?!? Next primary season, you should consider podcasting your predictions or turning to YouTube, I’d watch for sure.

  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    Teri: Well I don’t know, he just RADIATES Jersey :):)

    Lady: I didn’t put people FROM those states on the map just people I thought SUMMED THEM UP! Ha! Nugent likes guns? Texas likes guns. See?

    CDP: I’d rather Virginia just stick to voting for Colonel Sanders and stay away from the real ballots. We’ll probably find out soon that Huckabee has several illegals cleaning his car and house.

    Diane: Yes, I think I’ll hold the alternative elections and there will be crepes for everyone, alcohol and lots of darts to throw at pictures. Then we’ll all dance nekkid and vote for the Fonz.

  11. mindy Says:

    I think you should be a political analyst. I totally wrote in Prince for my vote!

  12. mindy Says:

    Your word verification thing told me I didn’t enter the right word but then it posted my comment anyway. I’m posting this to see if that happens again. And because I like to post every thought that comes into my brain.

  13. The Guv'ner Says:

    Mindy: That damn word verification thing. If it’s not making you type smutty things it’s confusing people! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m sure Prince appreciated the vote. We should be glad it wasn’t when he was using that symbol for a name because that would make result calling on the news particularly difficult I feel… I think Prince’s campaign would be to “MAKE AMERICA PURPLE”.

  14. pistols at dawn Says:

    Delaware is totally our bitch.

    Also, I’m glad to see the Nuge won something finally.

  15. The Guv'ner Says:

    Yeah I think Texas recognized the call of the gun!

    I was equally happy for Donny Osmond and Bea Arthur.

  16. Louise Says:

    I would like to agree that Delaware totally answers to Maryland and your Super Tuesday results were incredibly accurate. Divine ALL THE WAY.

  17. The Guv'ner Says:

    Louise: Divine for president would certainly shake things up a bit for sure. I mean if he/she was alive. The campaign would be all big hair, lipstick and disco dancing. Maybe John Waters could be Vice President? His little mustache is quite authoritative, no?

  18. doorknob_dan Says:

    Bea Arthur is my ex. I’d prefer you didn’t make fun of her.

    Hairy lips or not, that woman could make a hell of a pasta dish! Not to mention a total absolute freak in the sack!

    How many people did I just make vomit there?

  19. Laughing through my chardonnay Says:

    You are a genius.

    However, I am saddened that my home state was won by Larry the Cable Gauy but rejoiced to know The Dude won my current state. Well done.

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Well I know I just put the industrial cleaning bill for my desk in the mail.

    It’s addressed to:

    Dan
    Winnipeg, Manitoba
    Canuckland

    They take cheques.

    That’s what happens when you mention pasta in my presence.

  21. doorknob_dan Says:

    You don’t like Italian? Why kinda of Scotswoman are you anyways?

    You uh, may be missing a few details in my address, but that’s okay. Much like Scotland, everyone knows everyone here in Canada. (YOU know what I’m talking about, I’m sure.) “John in Montreal? I sure DO know him!”

    Know what? Just address it:

    Dan
    Canada

    It’ll find its way to me.

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chard: Larry won a lot of southern states. I feel that the vote might well go that way down there, your good self excluded, naturally. I’m sure you voted for The Dude (who wouldn’t?) and he promises to make White Russians compulsory for free in every place of employment. So long as you don’t pee on his rug.

    Dan: That’s a relief because I lied. I just put “Dan, Up North” because I have great faith in the postal systems of North America.

    I want pasta now. Thanks a lot. Not even mentioning in in close proximity to Bea Arthur (your ex) could put me off.

  23. Dee Says:

    Eli Manning got more states than I’d have thought… But I’m most impressed with Larry the Cable Guy and Corn, who really romped it in! The astute calls you’ve made have certainly helped in this whole election thingy.

    I can’t wait for your presidential election coverage!

  24. The Guv'ner Says:

    You know DEE, I was just sitting here thinking how much funnier it would have been if the midwest states voted for the band KORN instead of corn. Too late though. Yes, I think all of New England would love to vote for Eli, don’t you? As for Larry well, I’m shocked he didn’t rope in a few more of those Southern states. But still he really got ‘er done.

    EW.

  25. Suze Says:

    I wrote in Col Sanders on my ballot. Then I picked up some of his chicken. I love that dude!

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: I like his stunning neck tie. I bet his chicken is nice with some grits.

    Ha ha ha, word verification is FUKISM. “Hi! I am a professor of fukism!”

  27. Teri Says:

    I think Mr. Potato Head could be a good contender.

  28. The Guv'ner Says:

    Teri: He has that really official looking mustache… I’d take him seriously with that mustache. Sort of like the Sonny Bono of potatoes!

  29. Dee Says:

    I did actually have to check that I’d written the correct Corn ๐Ÿ˜€ I was thinking of the band too…

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