Mind Reading Part Two

Today I get in to a note on my desk that says “Please book my wife and I on flights using the company’s companion ticket policy for…” and he gave two sets of dates. And that’s all it said. I’m thinking since he couldn’t be bothered specifying a destination I’d get him flights to Siberia and rent him an igloo and a sled. He can sit in the sled while his wife dons the reins to pulls it while he whips her and yells “Giddy Up Bitch!”. What a fine image. That should get me through the day, I believe.

That was it, I just wanted to vent.

Talking of fine images, I will leave you with this high-larious photo of John Travolta without his weave. Hee!

Dedicated to Beckeye
He’s totally gay you know
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44 Responses to “Mind Reading Part Two”

  1. Teri Says:

    NYC is a two hour ride away, Guv. Just give me the sign and I will bring my “weapons of mass destruction” to fuck up that boss of yours.

    GAH!!!!!!!!!

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Teri: The temptation is so STRONG right now…. πŸ™‚ Maybe I could sign him up for some Scientology auditing of his ass?

  3. doorknob_dan Says:

    I met a guy once that was writing a book called ‘Dartpilots’.

    Him and a couple other people threw a handful of darts at a big wall map and would have to go to those places where the darts landed and write about their experiences.

    I hope this gives you some ideas.

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    Excellent Idea. Do I get a “do over” if it lands somewhere pleasant?

  5. mindy Says:

    I hear Siberia is lovely this time of year!

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Well now…I don’t want it to be LOVELY… I want pain and hellish conditions. πŸ™‚ I know, you were being sarcastic.

  7. Baroness von Bloggenschtern Says:

    Is this Travolta picture from your own private collection? Yikes. The man needs some Turnblattin’, stat.

    As for the ever-obtuse demands of DU, I think you need to find some “Psychic U” with outrageous tuition fees and exotic campus location(just watch late night tv for a while – it’s sure to turn up), and then apply for a continuing ed grant from the company. Forget Excel – this is the skill you really need…

  8. The Guv'ner Says:

    You might be right Baroness! I need to improve my psychic skills stat! πŸ™‚

    And no, I have no Travolta pix. I merely stumbled upon that one today while browsing and it cracked me up.

  9. CDP Says:

    BeckEye is soooo gonna kill you.

  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    CDP: She’ll have to CATCH me first. πŸ™‚ And hey, I dedicated the photo to her. I am KIND.

  11. doorknob_dan Says:

    *waiting for Beckeye to show up and the shit to hit the fan*

    This should be good, heheh.

  12. The Guv'ner Says:

    She’ll probably still think he’s stunning. And call me a bitch. It’s ok though, love is blind!

  13. lengli Says:

    It’s a good thing I didn’t move to Bay Ridge, Brooklyn just to retrace Travolta’s Saturday Night Fever steps (Psh, I totally moved here because it’s Scott Baio’s hometown) because I don’t think I could live with the shame of his current self.

  14. The Guv'ner Says:

    Lengli: Too funny. I went through Bay Ridge last summer and I seem to remember thinking “This is total guido/Saturday Night Fever country!” πŸ™‚ I didn’t know it also produced Scott Baio although, I’m hardly surprised either!

  15. trigimper Says:

    Siberia is just too, well tame. How about Helmsland ?

    As for Travolta…who ate all the pies ? you did you fat b’stard.

  16. The Guv'ner Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh thanks a lot. The damn pie chant will be in my mind all day now.

    I thought maybe some parts of Greenland would be good too. Or even Iraq!

  17. gizmorox Says:

    The photo is from one of those Photoshop contests/email thingys where they make famous people look like they would if they lived in some normal remote place. I got it in my email a couple days back.

    Doesn’t give you a destination. What a dumbass.

  18. The Guv'ner Says:

    Giz: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Don’t tell Beckeye! πŸ™‚

    He still kind of looks like that though anyway.

  19. minijonb Says:

    The Scientology police are going to come find you and try to eliminate you for posting that picture. You better take cover now.

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    MiniJon: I ain’t scared of no Scientologists! PAH!

    I bet he DOES look like that under his “hair”.

  21. Suze Says:

    I’m sure I’ve been on that very holiday. πŸ™‚

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: Hahaha! Well you seem to have survived intact, maybe I need to find something even MORE hardcore!

  23. Suze Says:

    The other Suze has better bras than I do.

    I’m afraid to see what’s gonna happen when Beckeye gets wind of this John Travolta thing. I got your back Guv, but Beckeye’s from my homestate and I’m telling you – YIKES!!!

  24. The Guv'ner Says:

    Beck will probably think he’s still smokin’ anyway. Crazy gal:)

    How can there be so many Suzes? What’s this about bras? Are you all playing with my head? I’m very fragile you know.

    You have to admit, it’s a funny photosho…um…photo of the Travolta.

  25. BeckEye Says:

    I know where you live. The Dark Uberlord gave me your address. I wouldn’t recommend falling asleep. Ever.

    Um, actually this is how I always imagined John when he’s 64 and I’m still needing and feeding him. rocking together in our rocking chairs on the front porch of our airport/home. But wait, I’d only be 45 so I might still be kind of a hot, going through a midlife crisis, Samantha Jones kind of chick. Well, I’d still keep him. I’d just keep that sweet slice of Jeremy Sisto on the side.

  26. Bert Bananas Says:

    J.T. needs to up the voltage on his E-meter.

    Don’t you wish Scientologists went door to door in pairs like the Mormons do?

  27. jennyincanada Says:

    OH my GOD is that a REAL photo? What happened to Vinnie Babarino???

  28. The Guv'ner Says:

    Jenny: No, sadly it’s a Photoshop, but I still got a smug giggle out of it. Maybe in ten years that will be him though… I think the Barbarino days are long gone. πŸ™‚

    Bert: The possibilities if that happened, are endless!

    Beck: Well I defied you and slept till noon today so oops! I’d go with the Sisto option. I’m thinking John’s thetons can only be bad for you.

  29. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    This man is simply too stupid to live.

  30. The Guv'ner Says:

    Lady: I second that. Let’s choose a painful and entertaining method of death! :):)

  31. doorknob_dan Says:

    Turn on disco music really loud and break his ankles so he can’t dance.

    Pit him in a room full of gay men and don’t give him any chapstick.

    Remove the mirrors from his house while he sleeps.

    The possibilites for Johnny T torture are endless.

  32. The Guv'ner Says:

    I laughed out loud at the Chapstick option. :):):

  33. BeckEye Says:

    BeckEye’s current kill list:
    Paris Hilton
    Mariah Carey
    Heather Graham
    My landlord
    People who stop in the middle of the steps in the subway station to talk on their phones
    The Guv
    Doorknob Dan

  34. doorknob_dan Says:

    Beckeye,

    I’d agree with you on the entire list. Except for your landlord – what did he/she ever do to hurt me?

  35. The Guv'ner Says:

    Problem is, Becks, both Dan and I are immortal. So there’s no point even trying. Sorry about that. I think I feel a John Travolta entry brewing soon….

  36. doorknob_dan Says:

    !!!

    When did YOU become immortal, Guv? There can be only one!

    (RENT HIGHLANDER!)

    My WV? ssgov
    No shit! I’m taking a screenshot!

  37. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hahaha. For a minute I was like “What does West Virginia have to do with anything….”

    Since I am the Scot, it is I who is immortal. Suck it Canadia.

  38. BeckEye Says:

    But Dan, who wants to live forever when Guv must die?

  39. doorknob_dan Says:

    I suppose you’re right Beckeye, a life without Guv is no life at all.

    ‘Sides, I’m way too lazy to run all around the world swinging swords. And I don’t want to have to fight Guv to the death on top of an abandoned warehouse with lightning zapping me and stuff. Really, it’d ruin these clothes and I don’t want to go clothes shopping unless I absolutely HAVE to.

    Can’t we all just get along? Make love, not war. Give peace a chance.

  40. The Guv'ner Says:

    H I P P Y !

    ha, word veri is “unpaz” – un-peace. I think that says it all.

  41. Falwless Says:

    I just saw this and it is glorious. I say it is so.

    My wv is upeqghnw, which means nothing. Just thought I’d share.

  42. The Guv'ner Says:

    Fal: Well it might mean nothing, but it’s probably Hungarian for “My, you are looking swell today, Fal old chum”. You just never know.

  43. Winter Says:

    You are my new favorite person.

  44. The Guv'ner Says:

    Winter: You are a nut. Luckily that’s my main criteria in a friend! πŸ™‚

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