What’s So "Good" About Monday?

I have spent the entire morning making an org chart in PowerPoint that makes no sense to me whatsoever. For a start, the Uberlord presented me with a hand scrawled version of what he wanted first thing before I’d inhaled any sort of caffeinated product to calm my nerves and judging by the fact it looks like it may possibly have been written by a skittish monkey with the DT’s I’m not at all sure he’s going to get what he is expecting. It took me half an hour to realize that the rather awesome category of “North American Pies” was actually “North American Pres.” meaning “president”. My version is always better. I was completely disappointed to discover that there are no pies being represented on the chart at all. I’ve reviewed the situation, however, and I think I’ll live.

He also gave me a bio with his photo on that I am sorely tempted to Photoshop in a ludicrous manner and post, however I am evil but I am not stupid. Usually. Well now and then. OK most days, actually.

Anyway, I had a rather emotionally crazy weekend at the Animal Hospital with my cat and now think I deserve a stiff shot of tequila.

Well this was nice and brief wasn’t it?


52 Responses to “What’s So "Good" About Monday?”

  1. doorknob_dan Says:

    Those pants must be awful tight on you this morning huh?

    You know, those cranky pants! Hah.

    Well, if you ever want to see the UL making out with Rod Stewart with a piechart in the background, just let me know!

  2. Teri Says:

    I hope the kitty is okay!

    The uberlord, on the other hand, I hope he dies. DIES! A slow painful death. that includes pies, and…..

    Oh sorry, *ahem*, time for a drinky poo…….

  3. The Guv'ner Says:

    Danoid: I think the pie chart is key here. And I’m not sure my innards can handle that particular photo. Although I could just get all the heaving over at once…

    Teri: She’s doing great now, thanks! I’m now thinking of ingenius ways to pie someone to death.

    Do you have another straw?

  4. WendyB Says:

    Wait, did I miss a post about the cat? What happened?

  5. The Guv'ner Says:

    Haha, no, I hadn’t mentioned it before so you’re not mental miss B. She was having breathing problems and they found a bunch of fluid in her chest which had to be drained out and she had to have heart and cancer tests etc. but all were clear. Yay. She has some chest infectiony thing. I just get all crazy when I have to leave her at the hospital for 2 days. She’s fine, I’m a wreck. Figures.

  6. Suze's Sass Says:

    I think you should go with the pies. Everyone likes pies. Screw Uberlord – your version is better. Tell him I said so.

  7. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: I agree. My version is always better, that’s the trouble. I could spice up these company presentations if they were left to me. I’d make those suckers “interesting”.

  8. mindy Says:

    I hate scary animal hospital trips. HATE. And leaving behind your fur-kids is never fun. I’m glad she’s doing better. I’m sure you will be soon, too. 🙂

  9. pistols at dawn Says:

    Is the animal hospital full of dreamboats, like the General Hospital is? Or full of people like me, like the Genital Hospital is?

  10. trigimper Says:

    Wait for it…wait for it….

    Who ate all the pies ?

    There – that’s your afternoon shot while you try to get that out of your head..

  11. The Guv'ner Says:

    Mindy: I know, it’s the worst. I went to visit her Friday night and she had one of those almighty cone things on and looked pissed to the extreme.

    Pistols: I so want there to be a “genital hospital” in the phone book. Not that I want to VISIT it or anything but you know. I’m 12 so it’s funny.

  12. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tri: Dude….


  13. Louise Says:


  14. The Guv'ner Says:

    Louise: HA!!! Not even THAT pi.

  15. BeckEye Says:

    Ah like pie.

  16. trigimper Says:

    I looked and looked and looked on youtube, and cannnot find even one video of said ditty…amazing.

  17. The Guv'ner Says:

    Beck: Only a freak doesn’t like pie!

    Tri: There IS something to be thankful for then.

  18. doorknob_dan Says:

    I think Coconut Cream Pie is the devil’s creation.

    Yukky. Am I a freak now?

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dan: NOW? Now as in “not previously”?

  20. SJ Says:

    Where do I forward my resume to work at this Pie Inc. you speak of? Does this involve any heavy eating, and are antacids provided in the benefits package? If yes and yes, I’m SO there.

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    SJ: You’ll have to get in line behind ME for PiesRUs! 🙂 God, I want pie now really bad. Apple I think. Hmmm. Or rhubarb.

    Maybe we should start that pie company ourselves. Of course we’d eat the profits…

  22. trigimper Says:

    Guv..all I can say based on many recent replies, that you know a whole bunch of people, many people willing to eat large quantities of pies. Fat B’Stards to a “T”. Willing to eat every pie.

    I tip my hat to them.

  23. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tri: You know something? The only person truly obsessed with pies around here is YOU. But you are from (almost) Nottingham so I guess it’s a Notts County thing. 🙂 HA!

  24. trigimper Says:

    I obviously am, wonder where I can get one…a good pork pie..yum. Actually come to think of it I do know where to go, a good scotch egg and Branston to start and then a Ploughman’s lunch…ooooh I’m set for today 🙂

    Notts County, didn’t they used to play football ?

  25. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tri: You know what they say – you can take the boy out of England but you can never take the England out of the boy. Goddamn, I love Branston pickle. I’m all salivating now. Luckily I have some at home.

    Yeah Notts and football are two words that should never be in the same sentence. My Notts friends are fans though. Bless their optimism.

  26. Sheena Gates Says:

    I am in love with your blog. For realz.

  27. The Guv'ner Says:

    Sheena: Once you wake up and get some coffee in you, you’ll feel better, honest! 🙂 But thanks!!!

  28. Sheena Gates Says:

    Am in South Africa, its past 16hoo already. Am awake, honest.

    Already blogrolled you man, thats quite the unusual thing for me!

  29. The Guv'ner Says:

    If you see a big dark shadow over the sun that’s just my giant head eclipsing it! 🙂 Thanks. I’ll do similar!

  30. trigimper Says:

    Not that I particularly give an iota about footie, but Nottingham did have Brian Clough :-


    The quote that is missing is commenting on a streaker “My players saw more of his balls than the one they were supposed to be playing with”

  31. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hahahaha, awesome. He was a funny old drunk old Brian. Wasn’t he a Forest guy though? I remember his little puffy red face like it was yesterday.

  32. trigimper Says:

    Yeah, he was Forest. The FA really should have gathered up all their testicular fortitude and made him England manager.

  33. Chris Says:

    My cat is fat. Mainly because we feed him too much, but partially because we give him too much food.

    I once read Pistol’s blog and was feeling all 19th-century British, and found myself tossing strange references into my conversations all afternoon. I had to forcibly stop doing that when I heard myself say to a friend, “I have to retire to my abode now, post-haste, as the Missus is expecting me to feed the pussy a fair amount of sausage this afternoon.”

  34. Falwless Says:

    How did I miss this post yesterday? HOW, I ASK, HOW?!? HOW???

    I need to retrace my every step yesterday to understand how such a grievous oversight occurred.

    P.S. Loved the pie chart. GET IT? PIE CHART????????//

  35. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chris: I think you nailed an important fact about the Brits. Everything, even said in a posh English accent, is about being dirty.

    And all Brits say “Post haste” I mean who wouldn’t?

    In fact I’m pledging to use that phrase as least once a day every day from now on. That and “tootling” which I stole from you.

  36. The Guv'ner Says:

    Fal: Yeah see, a PIE chart would have made more sense, but sadly it wasn’t a pie chart I was working on. So a PIE org chart is sort of obtuse. Almost ironic. I’m all about being obtuse. I think I hide it well.

  37. doorknob_dan Says:

    I think the word you’re looking for is ‘obscene’ rather than ‘obtuse’.

    So we’re at war eh? I have my finger on the ‘send in the newfies’ button since Canada can’t afford nukes…or missles for that matter.

  38. The Guv'ner Says:

    It doesn’t seem able to SPELL “missiles” either, so really I’m not trembling with fear or anything, hoser.

    War. What is it good for? FEUDING!

  39. doorknob_dan Says:

    I’m distracting you with my typos.

    You completely didn’t notice the newfie sneaking up behind you.

  40. The Guv'ner Says:

    Pffff! That was no newfie. That was a midget with tiny arms. I squashed him. Next?

  41. Gnugs Says:

    You get to make org charts. I get to spend 3 hours in a meeting with 10 people who understand Government Reimbursements, and one who doesn’t. Now to be nice, it’s not clear that she can even form a complete thought. Bureaucratic navigation may not be her strong suit.

    ugh… I feel a post coming on.

  42. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hahaha Gnugs! I can feel the hostility brewing in this comment 🙂 I say kill her. It’s fast and humane, no? Well it depends on the method, naturally.

  43. Diane Mandy Says:

    Wow. That’s a lot of pies!

    I hope kitty is ok!

  44. The Guv'ner Says:

    Diane: It IS a lot of pies, but are there ever ENOUGH pies? No.

  45. So@24 Says:

    I fear the day you get promoted. Then where will the blog go??

    PS. Can you believe I’ve been an assistant for almost 4 years and still have managed to escape learning Power Point?

  46. The Guv'ner Says:

    hahahaha! Dude, good for you. You keep on avoiding it. I actually LIKE PowerPoint when left to use it for my own devious means, but in corporate circles forget it. You might have pretty colors and shapes and professional looking stuff but it’s still the same old bullshit only packaged better.

  47. Franki Says:

    I was really hoping that you were both evil AND stupid.


  48. Chardsy Says:

    Just one shot of tequila?

    The uberlord sounds like a delight. I hate mondays. My boss recently quit smoking, can you imagine how much of an asshole he is right now? Maybe getting laid off really is a blessing.

  49. katrocket Says:

    That’s an awful lot of pussy and pie talk for a straight girl.

  50. doorknob_dan Says:


    Guv is a hermaphrodite. Or so Wikipedia says.

    Or was it ambidextrous? Multitasker? Forget it.

  51. The Guv'ner Says:

    Kat: You’re a smutty, smutty lady. But quite wonderful.

    Dan: Octopus. I am an octopus.

  52. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chard: Your boss sounds like Godzilla! 🙂 I hope he’s going through withdrawal hell and when he closes his eyes he sees you with your middle digit pointing north.

    Franki: I am both. But I’m selective with the stupid. Usually at least.

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