Today’s Tragedy

The Uberlord is heading to Asia at the weekend for a trip we’ve planned for months. Naturally I’m in a state of excitement at him being half way around the world from me and in a completely unworkable time zone.

Today I found out, while trying to have the hotel arrange a car for him, that he has no reservation there, which is a little alarming since I watched our travel department book it in person last week and because everyone else on the trip is staying there. Oops! He’s going to love that.

Turns out the travel people forgot to confirm the booking and now the poor man has to stay at some other 5 star hotel a whole mile away for the first night of the trip as the original hotel is sold out. Oh the humanity. He will suffer greatly and probably catch the cooties in the process.

I’ve been schmoozing with the people in Hong Kong all morning trying to sort something out but there’s not enough coffee invented to prevent me getting medieval on our travel department slowly with a sharp, burning object. I have Scottish blood. And you know how the Scots like a good scrap! Ask Sugartits Gibson.

What will happen when the Uberlord finds out about this?

Basically, he can suck it up. I hear they have these new fangled things called “cabs” now anyway.


42 Responses to “Today’s Tragedy”

  1. Teri Says:

    Since you’re so well versed in Powerpoint now, would my mind taking my company required Powerpoint certification test for me?

    Thanks, you’re a gem!

    PS. I think he should sleep in the airport terminal’s bathroom.

  2. trigimper Says:

    I lived in Hong Kong, a car is a completely pointless waste of time and energy.

    Also in Kowloon and Central (Isaland side) you fall over 5 star can’t go more than 5 yards before bumping into a liveried doorman. Book him into a doss house down in North Point or even better somewhere way out in the New Territories..

  3. The Guv'ner Says:

    Teri: I agree. I’d like that very much. Showing up to the conference stinking of pee would be icing on the cake. The urinal cake, naturally. Ha, I slay me.

    Tri: Much as that sounds lovely to me, I think I’d like to be able to pay my rent MORE… He is staying in Kawloon. I’d love the doss house however. For him, not me.

  4. Suze's Sass Says:

    This may completely send him over the edge. Be prepared to mind-read at least 50 times today!

  5. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: I believe he toppled over the edge many years ago and this just part of the fall out. πŸ™‚

  6. Falwless Says:

    hahahaha, I like the title of the flow chart: The Uberlord Reservation Fuck-up Flow Chart Type Thing.

    Awesome. Truly.

  7. trigimper Says:

    e’s going to be heartbroken if you haven’t booked him into the Peninsular in Kowloon πŸ˜‰

  8. The Guv'ner Says:

    Fal: I am sleep deprived. It’s the best I could come up with at 10 seconds notice! Send me caffeine please!

    Tri: The Shangri-la actually. πŸ™‚

  9. trigimper Says:

    Oh dear God, poor little baby. My ex-wife and I stayed in the one in Bangkok, she had snow crab for breakfast and lobster salad for lunch, while sitting by the pool as a flunky brought her drinks with umbrellas and changed her towel every two hours….

    Life is truly going to suck for him. Not. All I can say in his direction is you jammy **&%%$$$!!!!.


  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tri: Agreed. One day when I’m really pissed he’s staying at a Day’s Inn.

  11. trigimper Says:

    Oh no, no, no…a Motel 6 clone, in SE DC πŸ™‚

  12. trigimper Says:

    Or even worse, a B&B in Glasgae ?

  13. katrocket Says:

    You’ve been threatening to re-route him to Siberia for quite some time now. Congratulations on meeting another career goal!

  14. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tri: Our B&Bs are fantastic, Sassenach.

    Kat: One day it will happen. It will be a day of celebration and partying like never seen before. You know, before I pack my stuff and move out of my office.

  15. trigimper Says:

    Of course they are, bring your own Molotov to cocktails πŸ˜‰

    I’ve just been looking at the pictures of the Kowloon Shangri-La, hmm…I really don’t think you tried hard enough to downgrade him. Looks wonderful…

  16. The Guv'ner Says:

    Yeah, they wouldn’t even let my sort walk in the lobby of a place like that. Damn rich people. πŸ™‚

  17. MsPuddin Says:

    A WHOLE MILE!! Gheezus, that IS horrendous. Definitely might need some pain killers…

  18. The Guv'ner Says:

    And maybe an ice pack and a massage. Maybe a therapy session for the stress? I don’t know…

  19. Franki Says:

    I love your creative use of these charts. You must be bored as hell!

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Franki: Oh jeeze. Is it that obvious? HA. I just have downtime here and there and well…one must use it wisely or one might get into trouble, know what I’m saying?

  21. doorknob_dan Says:

    I imagine during your downtime you are making all sorts of creative graphs and flowcharts to destroy Canada.

    Your attempts will prove futile, as once you’re outside of Toronto or Vancouver and your GPS has no little maps for rural canada, we will swarm you while you’re on the phone complaining to Garmin.

    If that made any sense, let me know!

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    You know, I hear google Earth is great for zooming in on certain locations complete with coordinates if say, you should wish to drop a bomb someplace. You know, IN THEORY.

  23. doorknob_dan Says:

    Stop giving me hints, it’ll only hurt you!

    Oh yeah, so about the Uberlord, what happened? Was he steamed?

  24. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dan: Nah, he was fine. I just said “it’s sold out there’s nothing we can do” and he said “Oh, ok.” πŸ™‚

    Nice distraction from the bomb thing by the way. “Oh how was the Uberlord,is everything ok?” Ha!

  25. Franki Says:

    I’m thinking once my contract is up on my current job, I’d like to find some uber boring office job that’ll give me health insurance and pay me to blog all day.

    That’s me.

    The Big Dreamer.

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    That’s it’s one plus Franki. I can vent my frustration throughout the day on here. Often.

  27. Chris Says:

    I’ve never been to Hong Kong, but I’ve been to South Dakota. They say they’re just about the same, as long as you keep your eyes closed and don’t really pay much attention.

  28. trigimper Says:

    There’s less people in South Dakota than on Hong Kong Island alone ;-). I just checked my facts – 700k people SD, 4 million plus on HK Island (during work day) – 9 miles x 3 miles…scary isn’t it given that the Island is less than 60 % populated the rest being too mountainous to build on.

    There might be more sheep though in South Dakota…

  29. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chris: You freaking goof:) Next you’ll be all “Oh Omaha! It’s just like Calcutta!”

    Tri: Stop knowing stuff! Lunatic.

  30. trigimper Says:

    My encyclopedic knowledge of useful information very nearly came close to averting a disaster of biblical proportions for you though this afternoon πŸ˜‰

  31. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tri: DAMN STRAIGHT! Travel told me that hotel was ONE MILE and an easy trip to the other hotel. HA! Still all’s well that ends well I guess. Thanks a lot for that info though. I’m keeping note of those hotels for another day when I’m sure to need them.

    I couldn’t find the Furama though and neither could our travel peeps. Not in HK anyway. Maybe it closed? Or maybe we’re all nuts. Yep, possibly.

  32. odalisques Says:

    A mile? You know executive feet can’t walk more than ten meters. It’s the worst tragedy ever to viciously attack mankind.

    At the moment I am struggling to get an agenda for a week-long international come-to-jesus meeting my executive is attending in the first week of April, as he wants to meet with locals in his downtime. And those on the other end don’t get that I’d need this at all, let alone sooner than the morning of…

  33. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    He’s damn lucky that you discovered this now and were able to book him a room in the meantime – even if it’s somewhere else. I’m sure he’ll really appreciate it. Or not.

  34. WendyB Says:

    I’m in love with your flowchart. Highlarious.

  35. BeckEye Says:

    I think you should save up all of these PowerPoint chart doohickeys and give a really kick ass presentation when you finally quit.

  36. Chris Says:

    You know, I’m not sure if there are any sheep in South Dakota… I’ve never seen one, anyway.

    I live right near the border of Iowa, Nebraska and South Dakota, which is kinda like saying “I live in the middle of, well, not much.”

    Interesting fact (not really): When the Nebraska Cornuskers play at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, the stadium itself turns into the third largest city in Nebraska. I’m not sure, but I think the stadium might be larger than any city in South Dakota on game days…

  37. The Guv'ner Says:

    odalisques: Well I was putting him in a CAR i wasn’t expecting the miracle of him finding out how to use his feet!!!! πŸ™‚

    Lady: I know, right? Lucky I checked or he’d show up and….well I don’t wanna go there. Although part of me is like “Damn, there was your chance!”

    Wendy: Nothing like a chart to demonstrate one’s distaste!!! well except maybe a sawn off shotgun…

    Beck: That will be the presentation to end them all. And I will pay someone to show it on a loop at Times Square.

    Chris: That is one wacky statistic! Is the audience partly comprised of cows? Because that would be sort of awesome. And do they get discounted tickets? Inquiring minds want to know!

  38. Chardsy Says:

    I don’t miss booking travel at all. I ran a tour last year that required I book travel (air, ground, hotel, etc) for myself and at least 4-6 other people. One night I got drunkenly yelled at because I was a giant “f*ck up” because he only had (I kid you not) “2 pillows on the bed”.


  39. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chard: And what’s really scary is, he’s not a lone case. There are millions of overly entitled idiots out there who make a huge fuss out of little minor tiny things like that. My last boss was like that. That guy would have birthed a cow if he didn’t get a room that faced a certain way or something ridiculous.

  40. doorknob_dan Says:

    Towards hell so he could keep his master in sight?

  41. pistols at dawn Says:

    Your ability with charts is un-f-withable.

  42. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dan: He IS Satan! So yes. Kind of.

    Pistols: Can I quote that in my autobiography?

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