A Quick Pointless Vent

It has come to my attention that when someone tells you they will be in Friday morning but must leave at 1pm, then proceed to still be here at 4:15pm, that I get quite cranky. Especially when said Uberlordian entity is all frazzled and insane (no change there) and demanding in a way that makes me want to test the solidity of his head with a plank. I knew today would be insane but urgh.

1) No I cannot demand Delta fly into a totally different airport in Moscow

2) I can not find you a first class seat when there is no first class even ON the flight

3) I have no fucking idea what the problem is with Hong Kong

4) If the Russians will not allow anyone through security to help you through customs I CAN NOT MAKE THEM. Besides they have like…kalishnikovs. And they’d totally use them

5) If you have to wait in line for an hour at their customs and immigration then you have to do it. I can’t change their damn commie rules or slip a wad in someone’s pocket on your behalf

6) When you force the adapter into the port on your Blackberry, the wrong way up and destroying the little wires inside, rendering the Blackberry completely useless, the Telecom guys will laugh at you and call you a schmuck, there is no way around this, it’s a fact of life.

Drinking at work should be legal just for days like this.

Yeah vent over. How are you guys anyway?


26 Responses to “A Quick Pointless Vent”

  1. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    DU has great faith in your abilities. Don’t sell yourself short Guv.


    Thanks for asking. I’m home sick today and your lovely venty post has made me very relieved that my job requires little interaction with others and that my boss isn’t profoundly retarded.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Thank you Lady. You poor thing all sniffly and unwell. I’d rather be sniffly and unwell than here today.


  3. Red Says:

    I hate when my boss says she’s gonna leave early and then stays late. She can be such an evil bitch.

  4. The Ambiguous Blob Says:

    I do not miss my days as a travel counsellor at all ever. Because people are effing crazy and ridiculous about travelling. WTF!

  5. doorknob_dan Says:

    As your #1 biggest fan, I am utterly surprised -nay, SHOCKED -that you didn’t have the ability to just bring Moscow directly to his office.

    Are you not God any more? Who am I supposed to erect a temple to now. Vishna?

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Red: I think it’s really inconvenient of the bastards to get our hopes all up for an afternoon of fun and frivolity only to have to deal with their whining instead.

    Ms. Blob: You are so right. It’s become the biggest part of my job and the most effing annoying BY FAR. Not the travel itself, just the wankers who keep changing their minds every five minutes and expecting me to conjure things out of my ass. That would be quite the magic trick, no?

    Dan: I am so sorry for lowering your lofty expectations there, bud, I will try SO MUCH HARDER to tell the world what to do in future. You know, the world would really just be better off letting me boss it around like a big old World Dominatrix.

    Actually, on reflection, no.

  7. Bert Bananas Says:

    I wonder what DU says about you in HIS blog? I bet you’d be touched…

    About my day… The weather was nice, I lolled about the office doing officey things and then went to get a hair cut and finished reading a novel that I very much enjoyed.

    I hope you have a kinky kinkless week-end, Ms. Guv.

  8. The Guv'ner Says:

    Bertie B: If he had a blog it would be about steak and how to coax money out of the system. Oh and instructions on how to be an ass. 🙂

    I am not jealous of your wonderful day AT ALL. Well ok, maybe a little. Or a lot. Damn.

  9. DCup Says:

    Oh dear! The other day, I wrote about feeling like I was being pecked to death by birds when I’m dealing with my employers.

    But it sounds like you are sledgehammered to death by the uberlord.

    If he says he’s leaving at 1pm, there should be a way to instantly incinerate him if he remains in the office after 1:05.

  10. The Idea Of Progress Says:

    I got stuck on a conference call yesterday with the executive leadership of a multi-billion dollar foundation, because my boss was 30 minutes late…and I had to cover for her…

    To explain why that is no good, imagine trying to get the hospital janitor to perform brain surgery… “You work here, right?”


  11. Suze's Sass Says:

    That’s the worst thing when they say they are leaving early and they stay all day. In fact, most days I get pissed off just because my boss shows up. I really should start taking something for my aggression 🙂

  12. Leonesse Says:

    I can top that. What about when they say that YOU can also leave early when they do. Then they don’t leave, let others leave early anyway, but not you and THEN not give you anything at all to do except GET HER WATER!!!!!!!!!!!! (clear across a huge building, I might add.)

    If you weren’t so wonderful there would be NO WAY I could keep reading your blog. Horrible flashbacks. Just horrible.

  13. BeckEye Says:

    My boss was out on Friday but then showed up around 11:00. I was so pissed. Nothing like the boss coming into the office to ruin a good, relaxing day of web surfing, er, I mean, working.

  14. landis smithers Says:

    your boss
    can NOT
    be this stupid.

    the sao paolo thing? really?

    the prong thing? really?

  15. The Guv'ner Says:

    DCup: I love your thinking. Incineration is about as evil as something I’d stipulate so well done! Maybe I’ll invest in a Bunsen Burner?

    IoP: That is THE nastiest situation to be thrown into. It’s like throwing your kid into the river to teach him to swim. Fuckers.

    Suze: I agree 100%. Someone should outlaw this sort of thing. Or legalize homicide. I get annoyed when he shows up too and he’s gone a large chunk of the time. I think this might actually make the days he’s IN, WORSE.

    Leo: OMG yes. That has happened to me numerous times. “I’m leaving early today so you should just go afterwards!” then he proceeds to stay all day anyway. GOD I hate that. Haha, am I giving you the shivers from the ghosts of jobs past? 🙂

    BECK: It is my understanding that Friday is officially the weekend and should be treated as such at work. Chilling out, taking things in stride, no demanding idiots. Other people need to learn this.

    Landis: HaHAHAHA! AFFIRMATIVE! He can indeed! The prong thing was pretty ridiculous though. Ruined the whole device. Funny however. In an absurd way! 🙂

  16. pistols at dawn Says:

    I bet if your people took Hong Kong back over, you’d be able to tell him what the hell was up with it.

  17. Renaissance Woman Says:

    I love pointless venting! I had a post a couple of weeks ago venting about similar stupidity in the world. And I totally agree that drinking should be allowed at work on crazy days.

  18. Fastfingers Says:

    Hey there. Just found your site and had myself a high old time reading through your exploits at work – brought back many memories for me. I was a PA in the UK until I made my escape, and relate to pretty much everything you’ve said about the UberLord. Email me and we’ll compare disasters 🙂 bhamsecretary@gmail.com.

    As Arnie said, I’ll be back (most definitely).

  19. trigimper Says:

    Of course drinking is legal at work..you do know that mouthwash is 50% alcohol don’t you ?

    And its cheaper than meths 😉

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Pistols: Yeah I have a feeling the UK influence is EXACTLY what’s wrong with Hong Kong 🙂

    RW: Damn straight. Alcohol and voodoo dolls should come with your desk. My life would be so much more fun then.

    Fastfingers: I think everyone who’s worked a job like this has the same idiots under their care at some point. It’s like they get to a certain power level and become incapable tyrants. 🙂

    Tri: You are a man of means I’ll say that. I think a hip flask might be a good purchase. I mean I’m not cheap so no listerine for me. I want some quality liquor at least. Well unless I’m desperate then I’ll just sniff Whiteout.

  21. MsPuddin Says:

    do you need a fork? so you can stab someone in the eye.

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    YES PLEASE Ms. P! I’ll fork him up good.


  23. ambika Says:

    Wow, this makes me really glad the person I support rarely travels outside the U.S.

  24. The Guv'ner Says:

    Ambika: The only good part is, when he’s outside the US i get some damn peace and quiet! 🙂

  25. Gnugs Says:

    hmmm.. friday. Lets see. There was a high class haircut. Then driving across florida. then drinking. and drinking. and, oh yeah, drinking. I did the third drinking for you, though, since I kept mocking my toffee nosed British friend, and calling everyone Guv’na!

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    Gnugs: Bah you and your driving across Florida. My sister and I drove across Florida a few years ago escaping a hurricane and I remember changing drivers half way across Alligator Alley and running around the car at the speed of light so an alligator wouldn’t sprint up out of the Everglades and bite my ass. This is a big fear of mine. Alligator ass biting.

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