Mondays Are Hereby Illegal

I spent all weekend deliberately avoiding my work email, like I do every weekend, because hello, it’s the weekend and I refuse to do anything work related no matter how conscientious that might be, at least until someone pays me a shit of a lot more money than I make now or presents me with a truck loaded with gold bullion.

…Although what would you do with that? Is there somewhere you can cash-in bullion for like…dollars, or do you have to melt it down in your garage and trade it to a Mexican druglord named El Jefe, for heroin? Either way it sounds complicated and might involve much money laundering and shenanigans.

I knew however, that I would come in today to a positive influx of Uberlord emails from the other side of the world, demanding I do vague things he can’t be bothered explaining or complaining about things I already did that weren’t to his liking. And I have to say I was not disappointed.

OK, I WAS disappointed – I’m constantly disappointed – but I was right. A dozen emails featuring instructions to do things that weren’t explained in any cohesive manner and emails not written in complete sentences. This is no way to start a week when you’ve had three hours sleep. I have a good mind to send one email back saying “LA LA LA can’t HEAR YOU”.

Anyway, he pissed me off enough to make an Uberlordian Venn Diagram:
I feel so much better now.


27 Responses to “Mondays Are Hereby Illegal”

  1. doorknob_dan Says:

    I’ve heard bullion makes good soup!

    The Uberlord needs his portable email device scrambled so he can only harass you in person. Mind you, that might make him pent-up.

    Your Venn diagram needs two nipples to complete it, I think.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    You know what I think? I think you’re insane.

  3. CDP Says:

    “Dipshit” is a word not used frequently anymore; I think it’s time to bring it back.

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    CDP: I agree. It pretty much says it all with disdain, and I’m all about disdain…

  5. So@24 Says:


    Venn diagrams about your boss, power points about co workers…

    is there anything you CANT do?

  6. Suze's Sass Says:

    First of all, why didn’t you tell me Mondays were illegal. I’ve spent a good 8 hours illegal? I will have to take off tomorrow to make up for this faux pas. And thank you for finally letting me use “faux pas” in a sentance 🙂

    I think you should put your graph on a t-shirt.

  7. pistols at dawn Says:

    Venn Diagrams make me think of boobies.

  8. The Ambiguous Blob Says:

    You make me get down on my knees and thank the officejobgods for not being a secretary anymore.

  9. The Guv'ner Says:

    So: I can’t get through a day without thoughts of brutal murder, how’s that? 🙂

    Suze: Yeah I should market those to lowly office workers everywhere. And tell your boss you don’t need to work illegally on Mondays and if he has a problem to talk to me, ‘k?

    Pistols: What a BIG fuckin’ surprise, dude.:)

    Ms. Blob: I know! And once you get out you can never go back to the headmelt that is officeland. Effing people.

  10. minijonb Says:

    “I don’t like Mondays…


  11. Bert Bananas Says:

    I admire the way you blog instead of puke. We’re here for you.

  12. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    I’m sorry that your boss is such a jerk but I gotta tell ya Guv – you have a wonderful eye for color! Your diagram has laid the foundation for the color palate of master bathroom remodel. I might have to work some gold in there somehow too.

  13. The Guv'ner Says:

    Bert: I know. I am a martyr to the cause, me.

    MiniJon: I was just thinking about you earlier, and wondering how you were doing! Heh, thanks for making me sing that damn song all night.

    Lady: well feel free to go with my Venn Aqua Roman Bath theme for sure. I accept checks as payment for any consultations.

  14. Diane Mandy Says:

    I hate to question the accuracy of your lovely Venn diagram, but aren’t Dipshit and God Complex the same? Shouldn’t the circles eclipse each other making the Uberlord wholly both?

  15. Falwless Says:

    I wish you ruled the world. That’s all. That whole Mondays Are Illegal thing would totally work for me.

  16. doorknob_dan Says:


    Me too. Guv would make a good guv’ner.

  17. Chris Says:

    Ha! Pistols said “boobies.”

    I not only admire your nifty-indeed Venn diagrams, but I’m impressed that you knew what they’re called! For years I’ve been going around referring to them as “you know, them goofy little circly diagrams we had to do that one day in math class in 1981.”

    My word verification was one letter away from “kitsch.”

  18. Baroness von Bloggenschtern Says:

    I’m sorry to be the one at the party who stops the conversation dead in it’s tracks (in our family, it’s my BIL Norm), but with all your mad charting skillz, why do you continue to tough this out, when there’s gotta be something else out there that will allow your hair to grow in a normal pattern?

    You know, non-clumpy.

    (from ripping it out on either side of your head?)

    Just askin’. Please do continue.

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Diane: Hell no, you can be one without the other! He’s merely a combination of both. See?

    Fal: I too wish I ruled the world because this world would be filled with the cool people (ok not FILLED they’d be scattered) while everyone else lived on a big island somewhere separate from the rest of us.

    Danny: My head hurts.

    Chris: Hahaha kitsch! Well I AM very kitsch. And yeah Venn Diagrams are so ridiculous. But so is he, therefore..balance was achieved I feel.

    Baroness: Once again your logic is overwhelming. If I could make stupid charts all day about silly things and get paid ridiculous moolah to do so, I would!!! 🙂

  20. Franki Says:

    pretty colors!

  21. Leonesse Says:

    Mondays are my only day off. I spend most of them working. Thanks for reminding me.

  22. katrocket Says:

    Oh dear. One day me and my horse CoJo will bust you outta that Mexican prison. Just tie the rope to the bars when you see it fly through the window, okay?

  23. The Guv'ner Says:

    Franki: Yes, I’m all pretty colours and no substance. What can I tell you?

    Leo: YOU ARE WELCOME 🙂 Wait…you don’t work Mondays? Damn. Can I have your job?

    Kat: Deal. It beats the cake in file thing. I end up eating the whole cake and being too sick to do anything, least of all file my damn nails!

  24. BeckEye Says:

    Your diagrams make life all better.

  25. The Guv'ner Says:

    Becks: Life can easily be rendered by charts and diagrams. It makes things look nice and easy.

  26. Chardsy Says:

    That chart fits my boss to a T. If you were to throw in mumbler who chews with his mouth open I would think we work for the same guy.

  27. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chard: OMG…maybe we ARE. Because guess what???? 🙂

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