Slice of Sanity Pie

This whole week, with the Dark Uberlordian Entity overseas, you’d think I would be having a pleasant karmic office experience, full of good vibes, kicking back with a drink, a snack, some muzak and an attitude of sweetness and light, no? Because I’m all about sweetness and light as you all know. Right? Hello?

No.

Naturally, instead of this state of bliss, I have had four thousand things to do all of equally annoying status. I have planned, mapped, reserved and procured flights, hotels and excursions up the wazoo only to have to change them all several times as his Royal Highness is flighty and keeps an idea in his head about the same amount of time as it takes Britney to home in on a Twinkie.

If you can’t read it you can click for larger version, whiny!

Things I have discovered about myself this week:

  1. I hate Switzerland, the neutral, chocolate-loving, Jewish-Money-Taking, “Can’t decide what fucking language to speak” bastards.
  2. I don’t much care anymore if some spoiled prima donna has to change planes in Miami to get back to NYC. They can suck it and at 4am when they’re in Miami International Airport and I’m tucked in my warm bed snoring, I’m going to sleep with one middle digit fully extended.
  3. No one in the travel department answers the phone anymore when I call. They have caller ID. Even THEY hate the Uberlord. Or wait…maybe they hate ME?
  4. …..nah! That’s ridiculous, I AM CRAZY-AWESOME.
  5. I am invincible and delusional
  6. I like cheese sandwiches a hell of a lot (I already knew this actually!)

The little sanity I have left will be spent this evening drinking what’s left of the margarita bucket in my fridge. Yes, I said “bucket”. You can all just deal with it.

Hope you all have a finger lickin’ good weekend, my peeps.

Advertisements

33 Responses to “Slice of Sanity Pie”

  1. Red Says:

    Ahhh. I love Switzerland…

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    😦 Then you SUCK, Frenchie.

    They can shove their scenic mountains right up their ass.

  3. mindy Says:

    A bucket, you say? It sounds like the Guv’ner’s house is the PLACE TO BE. When am I invited over??

  4. The Guv'ner Says:

    Mindy: whenever the hell you WANT woman. Ha, is it karma that I just left you a comment the exact moment you were leaving this one? Spooky!

  5. minijonb Says:

    the Swiss are pussies… they never take a stand on anything!

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Yeah would it hurt to pick an effing SIDE, Hans?

    They’re good at being clean and haughty, however.

  7. The Ambiguous Blob Says:

    woo- buckets of liquor for everyone!!!

  8. Red Says:

    Note to self: Never disagree with the Guv. Ever.

  9. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tabbie: You can’t go wrong if you have a bucket of hard liquor at your disposal ever.

    Red: It’s a good rule to have, yes! 🙂 Unless you want me to pie chart your ass.

  10. pistols at dawn Says:

    I say, allocate more time and resources towards revenge. You’ll never regret it.

  11. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dude, I actually had 99% in as “revenge”! The pie just did its own thing. Of course the pie did have about 300% total making it up….maybe that’s not entirely plausible

    You are right, however.

  12. Bert Says:

    I’m just soooo grateful that you have us. It must be sooooo awesome!

    If I were you (I would have more fun?) I would get down on my hands and knees and kiss the ground we walk on, for being there for you as we always are.

    And could you bark?

  13. doorknob_dan Says:

    I’m staying far far away from you and your magic margarita mix. My liver is still crying a little bit.

  14. BeckEye Says:

    There’s a lot of shades of purple in that pie. I mean, let’s be realistic, you could never really use that for a presentation because it would be too confusing. Sometimes I wonder what they pay you for.

  15. The Guv'ner Says:

    Bert: Honestly, you guys are all that gets me through the day. If it wasn’t for all of you I’d be an alcoholic and probably living in the streets by now, smelling of pee.

    Danny: Your liver emailed me earlier to say it was waving a white flag. Is your liver French?

    Beck: I spent a fuck of a long time (probably as much as 45 seconds) making that pie chart different shades in the red spectrum to make it pretty for you unappreciative bastards. So smoke that!

  16. The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: Says:

    I spent one day in Geneva and was splashed by a taxi.

    Hate the Swiss, LOVE the Maragarita bucket. Who needs popsicles when you’ve got that?

  17. Leonesse Says:

    I have a margarita bucket hiding in my closet. Graduation is in 2 months. Soon, I will be able to keep my liquor where it belongs, on the coffee table for easy access.

  18. The Guv'ner Says:

    Lady: See, more proof the Swiss suck. Margarita buckets should be mandatory. They help a lot.

    Leo: Damn right woman. Maybe a coffee table cooler would work? Then you don’t even have to get up to go to the fridge!!! Awesome.

  19. Diane Mandy Says:

    I just traveled through Switzerland and know exactly what you mean. It’s a a schizophrenic place. The street signs, the food, the look of the houses changes depending on what part of the country your in. I mean, really, just choose one and be done with it.

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Diane: Right? Crazy mofos! with their cleanliness and crazy mountains.

  21. CDP Says:

    They have good chocolate though, right? There has to be some reason to continue to allow them to exist.

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    CDP: Yeah, the chocolate is great. A little too clean and creamy like the rest of the country but good. Plus they did make Toblerone. That’s some good shit.

  23. Winter Says:

    Really the Sweds love us?! (Jews, I got to move there.)

  24. Falwless Says:

    Wow, my “Sitting in a Corner Crying” would take up, like, at least three whole pieces of that pie. I’m impressed at how you hold it all together.

  25. The Guv'ner Says:

    Winter: Back away from the vodka.

    Fal: I’m HARDCORE baby. I’m adding a new slice of pie. Time spent STABBING.

  26. Andy Says:

    Toblerone? Great chocolate, but do they have to make it the exact size and shape to:
    a) almost need a hammer and chisel to break off a chunk / triangle / alp (I’ve really heard people call it that – an alp of chocolate)
    b) stretch / almost pierce your cheek so much that you feel like Louis Armstrong after a good long blow (on the trumpet) after eating it? Haven’t they noticed that there might be a reason that other chocolate comes in rectangles?

  27. The Guv'ner Says:

    Andy: You are correct, at least those big-assed size bars you could use as a cosh. Those things are huge, heavy and dense and I could never figure out how to eat them without smashing them off of something first into a million pieces!

  28. Misstressm Says:

    I officially love your blog.

  29. The Guv'ner Says:

    MisstressM: You are officially nuts, but you’ll fit in GREAT! 🙂 Welcome.

  30. katrocket Says:

    You had me at “pie”.

  31. The Guv'ner Says:

    Kat: HAHA! You lewd lady.

    Would that be APPLE pie? Rhubarb? Cherry? I give you the benefit of the doubt.

  32. katrocket Says:

    All of it. I am an equal opportunity pie-ist.

  33. The Guv'ner Says:

    I’m all about the key lime or the lemon meringue. This is because I’m a fruity kind of lady!

Comments are closed.


%d bloggers like this: