Free To Do What I Want, Any Old Time

There’s this joyous reverie when one wakes up and realizes that two weeks of Uberlord-free mayhem awaits them in the workplace. I mean it’s like running in several directions at once. What is a person to do first? I’m all giddy with excitement.

– Arrive late with a giant bedraggled bedhead and put my feet on the desk? (ha ha, this doesn’t count because I do this every day)

– Play loud music while drinking coffee and playing Spider Solitaire (Four Suits – you ain’t dealing with no amateur, foe)?

– Grin at people in a most demonic and (un?)customary manner until someone calls security?

– Make prank calls?

– Blog?

– Make copious amounts of Pie charts about trivial nonsense because why should today be any different?

– Nap on couch (again)?

The world is my oyster for the next couple of weeks and if there’s a pearl in it anywhere I aim to find it. For example what does the Uberlord keep in all those cabinets of mystery in his office? Top shelf liquor? A revolver? A ball gag? His Penthouse collection? I’m going to find out!

There is also a pretty fair chance I am going to play racquet ball in there with a whiffle ball set while commentating out loud to imaginary TV audiences about my superior racquet skills as the ball bounces off his $500 framed golfing photo.


36 Responses to “Free To Do What I Want, Any Old Time”

  1. Falwless Says:

    YouTube or it didn’t happen.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Haha. that would be scintillating, no? Me swinging on my chair, me throwing pencils at the ceiling. Me head banging to some loud music. Me calling someone and pretending to be Chinese.

    No. It would not.

  3. Falwless Says:

    hahahaha. The abrupt ending made that comment very funny.

  4. doorknob_dan Says:

    I think you should poop on his carpet. Unless you plan on sleeping on the couch.

    Wait, are there security cameras all over the place? You may want to get someone else to poop on the carpets for you. Are there any creepy looking people in the same office that look like the pooping on floors type?

  5. The Guv'ner Says:

    Fal: You’re still drinking huh.

    Dan: I should ask Jon about that. He’s more familiar with the workplace strategic poop than I am. I’m not suggesting he PLACED the poop but you know….

    There may be someone in the corner mystery office that poops on floors. Ha that would be a rad name for an Indian (feathers not dots) chief. Chief Poops on Floors.

  6. DCup Says:

    All of it. Do all of it. Please. I’m acting out vicariously through you right now.

  7. CDP Says:

    What did I tell you about that couch?

  8. The Guv'ner Says:

    DCup: Well I’m already almost through THAT list! 🙂

    CDP: Yes MOM. Don’t worry I have a cooties free blanket I can lay over it before my beautiful, soft, unblemished skin gets diseased. ok?

  9. mindy Says:

    A ball gag?!??!

    You are naughty!

  10. The Guv'ner Says:

    Mindy: HEY it wouldn’t be MY ball gag!!!! I’m just surmising here. If I find a ball gag in there there’ll be a whole other sort of gagging going on when I puke on the carpet.

  11. CDP Says:

    Smarty pants. Try to look after these children’s best interests and all I get is sass.

  12. The Guv'ner Says:

    And I will use the de-lousing powder when I get home. Sigh.

  13. Red Says:

    I am jealous of your spider solitaire abilities. I have enough trouble winning with one suit.

  14. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hold on a second miss. I didn’t say I could WIN the four suit. I played the two suit for about two effing YEARS before I won a game of THAT! 🙂 This one still eludes me. Damn it’s frustrating.

  15. doorknob_dan Says:

    Too bad they don’t include a game of Battleship with Windows. That game rocks!

  16. The Guv'ner Says:

    Yeah! And I’m suddenly really good at it too. I used to suck at it. I got sunk all the time. But now I’m totally kick ass vehement with the fleet sinking. I guess I’m just a winner.

  17. BeckEye Says:

    You should just sit outside his office door and whine like a puppy.

  18. Teri Says:

    I’m jealous that you work for just this one idiot.

    I’ve got 24 to roll my eyes at. Do you want some of them? most of them are pretty easy to deal with.

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Beck: That is almost obscene.

    Teri: I actually have two guys the other one is self sufficient and non-whiny though so I never mention him! 🙂 Before we moved up stairs I had 14 people. That was fun. (NOT)

  20. The Ambiguous Blob Says:

    I know you won’t get bored.

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    Tab: You are correct. I have my entertainment. Most of it is legal too.

  22. pistols at dawn Says:

    Dump in his desk! Dump in his desk!

  23. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dude, I am a LADY. I don’t “dump”. My solids are rose scented and lilac colored.

  24. catherinette Says:

    Might I suggest boozing it up in the uber lord’s office?

  25. Franki Says:

    wait, it seems you do most of that stuff while your boss is around no?

  26. WendyB Says:

    Flowcharts, please!

  27. The Guv'ner Says:

    Catherinette: OH GOD YES PLEASE!

    Franki: …….SO???? 🙂

    Wendy: You insatiable beast. There might actually be one later if you’re very (un) lucky. I’m just saying.

  28. Diane Mandy Says:

    I say all of the above. You deserve it! Enjoy the break!

  29. Leonesse Says:

    Order food on his expense account for a meeting he ‘forgot’ to have you cancel. Of course, it is all your favorites.

  30. The Guv'ner Says:

    Diane: You are so nice to me. When he comes back and questions me I’ll just say you told me to. 🙂 Enjoy that phone call. Hee.

    Leo: What a fantastic idea. A large order of cake I think. Yes….

  31. katrocket Says:

    Excellent? But are you ever really free of the Uberlord? I mean, he always finds a way to make your life hell, no matter where he is.

    Sorry, didn’t mean to rain on your parade. Let’s celebrate with a parade!

  32. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dude…honestly. Never. He always shows up in my inbox, voice mail, phone…man is ALWAYS lurking somehow.

    But I will prevail.

  33. Chardsy Says:

    I say liquid lunch every single day. That’s what I did for the last week. The boss came back today so I am now back in hell.

  34. ~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ Says:

    I’m half tempted to fly out there and film this. Seriously.

    I’ll bring chocolate and liquor.

  35. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chard: Yes that sounds PERFECTO! Tell your boss to screw off. Tell him I said so.

    Pix: If you’re bringing chocolate and liquor COME ON DOWN lady!

  36. Chardsy Says:

    I will tell him that at 5:59 pm tomorrow night when I give him the double middle fingers and walk out of the building for the last time!

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