The End of the World is Nigh

You know that song “Happy Days Are Here Again”? Well happy days just went right up the Swanee because yes, the Dark Uberlord is back in the country and all up in my grill.

He spent the day having meetings, catching up with the state of global affairs with our client and other such noble things, while I spent mine transcribing documents, doing a boatload of expenses and trying not to kill him. Which is harder than it sounds!

I actually accomplished a lot of mundane crap I’d been putting off forever and managed the complicated chore of eating something called a “Big Turk” (yes, his name was Mustafa and he smelled like falafel and anti-American decay) so the day ended on a high note after all. My motto is quite simple: No chocolate, no point.

I do actually alter that motto depending on mood. “No cheese, no point” is another one. “No tequila, no point”? Goes without saying.

“No flow chart, no point” is yet another of my favorites. Which brings me neatly to this piece of crap:

Click click for the big, expanded chart but really, it’s not worth it, it’s pretty crappy
Remember, I never said this entry would be any good, I’m merely posting or people nag me and are all like “Oh Guv, you haven’t posted in DAYS I can’t possibly live without you, I might pine away and die, please, please for the love of God and all that is holy, post a new entry so I don’t have to cut myself to take my mind off the awful quagmire of doom that is a life without your irreverent observations and sarcastic outbursts. Please make me a flow chart or I will surely die.”

It’s a sad state of affairs really.

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26 Responses to “The End of the World is Nigh”

  1. Falwless Says:

    Well jesus, you didn’t have to copy and paste my whole plea for everyone to see. F you.

  2. The Guv'ner Says:

    Dude, don’t get bent. I missed the part about licking Nutella off my butt. I have some dignity. And now thanks to me, so do you! See? It’s all ok.

  3. mindy Says:

    Hahaha – I was JUST going to say the exact same thing as Falwless.

    Great minds think alike I guess.

  4. doorknob_dan Says:

    Thank frikking God, Guv. I was going through withdrawls here.

    You know how hard it is to focus on things when we don’t hear what you’ve been up to lately?

    I know you’ve missed us too.

  5. gizmorox Says:

    I have been feeling awfully sickly lately, it must have been an absence of the Guv that was doing it to me. I plan on a full recovery now šŸ™‚

  6. The Guv'ner Says:

    Mindy: I know. It must be a dark, dark place not hearing from me for three whole days or whatever. I do pity you.

    Dan: Yes, I cried myself to sleep the past few nights wondering about all my lovely blog friends and feeling isolated from the world. Sniff. It’s all good now though.

    Giz: well don’t you fret honey, it’s all ok now. I am back. There there.

    I’m detecting a heavy load of sarcasm in these comments. You’d never catch ME being sarcastic, people. It’s the lowest form of wit you know.

  7. katrocket Says:

    Oh, I probably could have gone another week, but thanks for thinking of the weaker ones.

    You’re a give’r!

  8. Leonesse Says:

    Welcome back, Kotter.

  9. The Guv'ner Says:

    Kat: I know right? Someone needs to look out for them. It’s hard enough not having a life as it is!

    Leo: Thanks! I haven’t even been anywhere, there’s the irony. Sort of.

  10. Chris Says:

    Huh. I don’t really have anything to say, except that the word verification is asking me to type stuff, but it’s not telling me what to type. There’s no fake squiggly word there or anything, just a place to type stuff. It’s a conundrum. So now I gotta leave a comment just to see what happens…

  11. Gnugs Says:

    ouch.

  12. CDP Says:

    You probably want to make the “less gantly” options a leeetle more vague. Welcome back, silly!

  13. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chris: Wow. Well it worked, bud! Good job!

    Gnugs: Yes!!!

    CDP: Thanks! Again, haven’t been anywhere but hey. And you’re probably right about the options, it’s just that…I don’t CARE.

  14. catherinette Says:

    My condolences to you.

  15. BeckEye Says:

    Falwless just copied and pasted what I was originally going to say. Never trust a kid with an eyepatch.

    I vote that you deal with Uberlord in a non-gentle manner. People like him can’t be rehabilitated, so just off him. (I think that’s Dubya’s motto.)

  16. The Guv'ner Says:

    Catherinette: Thank you. I am still in mourning.

    Beck: Well since you’re in NY like me, maybe you can be my alibi. You and I were TOTALLY out drinking on the night in question where the Uberlord was stabbed in the eyeball with a letter opener. Right????

  17. Chardsy Says:

    I started back at work yesterday and I think I am going to deal with my boss by pushing him off the 4th floor balcony. Too harsh?

  18. The Wonk Says:

    Seriously. You had no boss for days and you couldn’t manage to pull together a couple more posts for us? Boo!

    I guess you were too busy napping, in which case you are totally forgiven.

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Chard: I fully sanction any move that involves a come uppance for an uppity boss so by all means, do it! šŸ™‚

    Wonk: I wasn’t napping so much as doing fun, devious things online and eating chips while avoiding emails and phone calls. So either way, a damn good time. There’s just no fodder while he’s gone you see. It’s when he’s around he’s a pain in the rear.

  20. Red Says:

    Oooh…I like the new header!

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    Haha, thanks! Me too! Blood and cake, pretty much sums up most of my thoughts.

    I’d take full credit for being mega talented, but I actually extorted …um I mean, commissioned Dan to make it for me. Thanks Dan!

  22. doorknob_dan Says:

    She threatened to kill me if I didn’t.

    But on the bright side, you’re going to give me that slice of cake, right Guv? RIGHT?

  23. The Guv'ner Says:

    ….ok.

    The blood cupcake there is all yours. You earned it.

  24. Red Says:

    Well done, Danno.

  25. Falwless Says:

    Dude! Sweet new banner!!

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    Thanks man. I did it all myself you know. No one helped. I’m totally effing talented. I did it all.

    Apart from the bit Dan did which was all of it. Damn it.

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