Today’s Grievance

The Uberlord likes lists. He has a serious “thing” for lists. It must be the sexy columns of text in 10pt. Times New Roman that gets his juices flowing. Or maybe it’s the grid-free layout or the heavily shaded title columns. The man has a hard-on for lists. And the lists are always changing.

I’m pretty sure any day soon he will request a list of all his lists so he doesn’t get confused, at which point I will print out every list on my hard drive, compile them into one mondo-document in a giant 5″ plastic binder and beat him over the head with it.

Then I might make him a list of all the local hospitals.

Seriously though, anyone using Times New Roman out of choice should have boiling oil poured on their Netherlands. It’s not a sexy font. It’s a default, ugly, plain fault. It’s like that boring nougat centered chocolate that’s always left last in the box. It’s the last kid picked for the dodgeball team. I will allow Arial if you MUST, but please. Have some respect. Times New Roman is for losers. Verdana is perfectly acceptable for a plain, everyday fault – clean, sans-serif, pleasing on the eye. Century Gothic works and Tahoma is ok and Trebuchet is pretty for a plain font. If you must have a serif go with Georgia or something. Or get old school freaky with some Courier New just to mess with people’s heads. Get a life people! Times New Roman is the Devil’s font.

And by “Devil” I totally mean Uberlord.

You know what happens to people who use Times New Roman every day? They end up writing blog entries about fonts. Let this be a lesson.

No, there is no chart today. You are SO demanding!


24 Responses to “Today’s Grievance”

  1. BeckEye Says:

    First comment on the new blog, first comment on the new blog! I rule! Why don’t you make a list of reasons why I rule. You can probably do it on one of those small post-its, or even the post-it flags.

  2. gnugs Says:

    Lists, hu? Yeah. Ubers tend to be a little weird. I take so much time throughout the day time tracking every damn keystroke, that I have to time track my time tracks. Fun times. (and it’s all in TNR… the heathens)

  3. cdp Says:

    Nice new place.
    I’m a Verdana girl when it comes to sans serif, and I like Century for serif fonts. And why doesn’t anyone use Garamond anymore, it’s a lovely serif font. Times New Roman isn’t even interesting enough to be the devil’s font.

  4. mindy Says:

    I like Trebuchet personally. However, when I want to be sort of sophisticated, but dainty, I like to use Garamond.

    (Ps. I LOVE fonts. I don’t know why, but I just do. I go to free download sites and download all kinds of new fun fonts all too often….it is a sickness)

  5. pistols at dawn Says:

    Some of us aren’t emotionally invested enough in fonts to change them. I think it’s healthier that way.

  6. leftypants Says:

    You guys. Fonts are important. I, Guv’ner Leftypants says so. But you are all correct – no one likes TNR and Garamond is ok. Pistols just needs some attitude readjustment and he’ll be ok.

    Beckeye on the other hand needs a spanking.

  7. dopeypants Says:

    I have about 6000 fonts, and yes, incidentally, that’s how much I need to compensate.

  8. leftypants Says:

    I like a man with a giant font folder.

  9. Mathdude, the funniest blogger alive Says:

    I used to be a Comic Sans MS guy. Hey hey – no booing. I’ve moved on, though. I like to use a new font for every new document, just to keep them guessing.

    I’m not a fan of the Name/Mail/Website windows you now have to fill in for your comments.

  10. leftypants Says:

    Hmmm. I’m still figuring how it works out there dude. I’m not sure if I can edit that. I’m like a wordpress virgin and everything!

  11. Bert Bananas Says:

    First, I have to try to convey to you what it meant to get your email. To paraphrase scripture: Bert wept. There, I said it. I cried me a river, but this time it was for joy. Not the river I cried me when I thought I’d been locked out of your life forever. So, really, thanks… I was so touched I want to offer you your firstborn child. Talk about -touching-

    When I was an AOL chatroom habitue, I used Lucinda Sans Unicode. Yes, I know it’s gay, but I’m in touch with myself that way.

    All my business communication is done 90% Times New Roman, 9% Ariel and 1% LaBamba Bold.

  12. The Guv Says:

    You know what you are Mr. Bananas? You are a SARCASTIC F*CKER! πŸ™‚ You can keep your first born though. I didn’t get this far in life unpregnated just to get landed with one now! Sheesh!

    I kind of like the old Lucida S.U. It had class. Not like those whorish fonts like comic sans and the script fonts.

    So does this mean YOU are the devil? All this TNR usage…

  13. so@24 Says:

    First off, I always said that if I ever were to have a rock band… its name would be “Times New Roman”.

    That being said, that font shouldn’t get ANYone’s juices flowing. Come on. It’s all about Arial Black.

  14. The Guv Says:

    If I had prizes to give out, I would give one to YOU for being SO FUCKING FAST TO COMMENT! I just left you a comment minus ten seconds ago dude! πŸ™‚

    TNR would be a totally kickin’ name for a band incidentally. It’s just a shitty FONT. Arial black is so yesterday. I’m all over Arial Rounded.

  15. Mathdude Says:

    Here’s my list of why Beckeye rules: (click)

  16. Red Says:

    Veranda is the shit.

  17. dopeypants Says:

    Dirty Headline <– as the name suggests, is more my style.

    I like pretty much any font that DOESN’T come with Windows. Perhaps there needs to be a poll on this, so nothing can be solved conclusively and we can all bicker onwards!

  18. The Guv'ner Says:

    Windows supplies the most boring fonts known to man. We need more AlienMushrooms!

  19. BeckEye Says:

    Cool, Mathdude. Did you tape those sounds the last time you were having sex?

    Wait, I’m sorry, that’s not right. There was none of the trademark “inconsolable sobbing” at the end.

  20. The Guv Says:

    OOOOOOOh. Beck ups the stakes.

  21. Falwless Says:




    Your commenters are awesome. Now, I like you as well, don’t get me wrong, but I just laughed pretty heartily at all the comments.

    Oh dear. I need a drink.

  22. gnugs Says:


  23. Bert Bananas Says:

    To whomever is holding the Guv ranson: where do I drop the money?

  24. The Guv Says:

    Gnugs: I quite agree.

    Mr. Bananas: It’s ok, I got out of jail early. I’m back. Save your stash for hookers and blow! OR golf.

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