Today’s Musings

You know what would be funny?  If they made GPS systems for cars using much more kick-ass voices than those electronic nasty ones they currently use.  You know, monotone lady and Germanic dude?  Wouldn’t it be great if you were told to turn left in 200 yards by say…Mr. T. “LEFT, FOOL!” or like…hear Fran Drescher telling you there’s a bridge coming up?

Or you could listen to Woody Allen say “Recalculating route!”

Maybe some Southern Britney-type chick could say “Y’all missed yo’ exit!”

It would also be sort of fun to have a gay voice to represent all you ‘mo drivers.  “OH MY GAWD, you TOTALLY mithed that turn, girlfriend, but blue is TOTALLY your color!”

Was that sexist? I’m a bad Guv’ner.

My GPS would have the voice of Jack Nicholson from “The Shining”.  “Take the next fucking left or I’ll beat your brains in!”

I’m giving this way too much thought.  But you know I’m on to something.

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30 Responses to “Today’s Musings”

  1. teri Says:

    That is a freaking great idea. I would LOVE if you could change the voices. I would absolutely get a GPS if I could do this.

  2. The Guv Says:

    ME TOO! It would be worth it just to hear some idiot directing you. The Godfather would be good too. Or…that little psychic chick from ‘Poltergeist’ who sounds like a chipmunk.

  3. dopeypants Says:

    Gilbert Gottfried: “I think you missed that onramp and I JUST CRAPPED IN MY PANTS!”

  4. The Guv Says:

    oh shit, GILBERT would be an awesome GPS!!! I’m laughing just thinking about his voice. 🙂

  5. Red Says:

    This is genius! I’d have Arnold guide me all over “Culeeforniah”

  6. The Guv Says:

    How weird miss Red. Arnie was one I considered too. To hear his monotone Austrian comedy voice directing me would be hilarious. And a little disconcerting maybe…

  7. CDP Says:

    Excellent idea! I’d use Keith Richards’ voice; my GPS is useless anyway.

  8. teri Says:

    I think you should patent this idea. Quickly!

  9. The Guv Says:

    Haha, Keith Richards! Awesome!

    Teri: I know. Im sure someone already has. But their voices are probably you know….sensible…

  10. Franki Says:

    I vote for Sean Connery but I’d want to rig it up so when he told me to turn right, he actually said “Take off your pants” and when he told me to turn left, he actually said, “I said, ‘NOW'”.

    Yep.

    I’m a mess.

  11. The Guv Says:

    Hahahahaha!!! Awesome.

    It’d be more, “Hey! Franki! Take of yer pantsh, shekshay lady! Oh yesh. And turn right at the lightsh.”

  12. Catherinette Says:

    I would totally want Lil Jon to be the voice of my GPS. That way, if I got lost, I could just blame it on not being able to understand what the hell he just said.

    YA-YAW!

    Oh, or maybe I can got for the King of Funk. “Turn right! I’m Rick James, bitch!”

  13. The Guv Says:

    Haha Rick James would be awesome! You might get fed up fast of being called “bitch” though…He could alternate with coke references and other drug refs.

  14. minijonb Says:

    i love the celebrity GPS idea! how about Darth Vader? “Luke, {breathes deeply} the Force wants you to turn left in 50 meters. {breathes deeply again}”

  15. The Guv'ner Says:

    YEAH that would be awesome too! 🙂 And somewhat scary!!! But I like the way you think.

    I was thinking if you really want to scare, a Dalek might be good….

  16. Falwless Says:

    This is seriously a good idea. Can I make mine Gilbert Gottfried?

  17. Falwless Says:

    OMG. I just left that comment without reading any of the others. Not only do I look like an idiot, but Dan and I are on the same wavelength? I am trembling.

  18. The Guv'ner Says:

    He’s a popular man today!

    You LOVE him.

    He’s your boyfriend. You want to hug and kiss him.

  19. Bert Bananas Says:

    Because of the “Power of the ‘Guv” it won’t be long now before you’ll be able to download celebrity GPS driving instructions. C’mon, this is a no-brainer. It’s easy money for them. And because celebrities can be imitated and can’t really sue their imitators for saying naughty things, there will be a competing service where you can get your favorite celebrity voice giving you your directions and saying outrageous things. So then you’ll have to decide, do I get the really Donny & Marie giving me directions, or the fake Donny & Marie giving me over the top kinky directions? touch call, huh?

  20. The Guv'ner Says:

    Sometimes, Bert, you scare me to almost untouchable levels. Donny & Marie???

    Which one was country and which was rock and roll again?

  21. BeckEye Says:

    I would want, like, the voice of Groundskeeper Willie. Because Scottish accents are HILARIOUS. By the time he got telling you to turrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright, you’d be halfway to Mexico. And you were supposed to be going to Canada.

  22. teri Says:

    I would constantly be making wrong turns, etc. just to hear their voices and crack the hell up. I probably would NOT get to my destination due to having to stop and laugh my ass off.

  23. Zeb Says:

    You’d have thought that by now someone would have one where Stephen Hawking gives directions

  24. The Guv Says:

    Beck: You are a beeyotch! 🙂

    Teri: I would too. Only I’d be SAYING it was to hear the voices but really I just have zero sense of direction.

    Z: You are a sick, sick man. Naturally, I approve!!!

  25. Chardsy Says:

    You must have written this when you were stoned.

    I love it.

  26. abroad Says:

    Holy crap Guv – I went away for a few weeks and didn’t realize that you had moved. Or maybe I forgot – I dunno. Anyhoo… so glad to see you here – I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

  27. The Guv Says:

    Lady!!! I too went away for a few weeks and am hopelessly behind on everything. But I’m glad you’re here NOW! So you have no catching up to do. Ha.

  28. The Guv Says:

    Chard: Um… Jesus Christ I wish.

  29. Ask Alice Says:

    Awesome! My GPS sounds like a porn star. I’m trying to think of a clever name for her to no avail

  30. The Guv Says:

    Alice: Something like Heaven-Amber Dallas would be good. She just SOUNDS classy. 🙂

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