Some Random Nonsense


The song I can’t seem to get out of my head today is, “If I Was A Rich Man” from Fiddler on the Roof. Why? I have no freaking idea unless some ghost was whispering it in my ear as I slept. Make it stop, immediately. If I could send a “cease and desist” order to my brain I would do it. Even the two weeks I was singing “Funky Town” every ten seconds was preferable to this nonsense. Are YOU singing “Funky Town” now? I AM sorry. Ha.

How come mosquitos can find their way into a tent through a tiny space the size of a nickel and buzz around your head all night, infuriatingly, yet, confronted with a huge, one-whole-side-of-the-tent open flap to the great outdoors, they fail to find it and get the hell out?

What’s so great about Beyonce? I don’t get it. Not even a little bit. Sure, she’s nice to look at but will someone write her a goddamn SONG please? The noises she makes is like the sounds a baby makes when someone is trying to pull its entrails out through its belly button. I’m only guessing though. I hate to sound like everyone’s grandmother but didn’t songs used to have tunes? Melodies. Contrarily, “Funky Town” has melody that stays in your head for months but it still sucks ass so maybe I should shut up.

Why some people deserve to be beaten to death with a tire iron



28 Responses to “Some Random Nonsense”

  1. tonyspunk Says:

    I have never seen Jesus in an inanimate object however I have made plenty of the ladies yell his name. If that counts.

  2. Bert Bananas Says:

    Holy Tire Iron, Batman!

  3. The Guv Says:

    Tony: Oh dear.

    Bert: Precisely! 🙂

  4. Falwless Says:

    Here’s what I don’t understand. We hear of these Seeing-Jesus-In-Everything stories all the time. How does it make the news? Is there a person on every news crew assigned to digging up all these new sightings? Do the people themselves contact the news, hoping for fame and glory? I can’t imagine I could make that call without feeling more than a little retarded. “Um, yes, is this the news desk? Yeah, I have a news item. You see, I was eating my Cheetos…”

    People astound me. Honestly. Astound me and make me laugh like hell.

  5. dopeypants Says:

    “All that she wants is another baybay, yea hah.”

  6. Dr Zibbs Says:

    If you want songs in your head, go to my blog and scroll down to the teletubbies mashup and the Electric Company lollipop song.

  7. The Guv Says:

    Fal: And I get the impression you’re not laughing WITH them…

    Dopey: You totally SUCK.

    Dr. Z: I have a feeling that is something from which I will never recover… Yet I feel strangely compelled to do just that.

  8. Red Says:

    Fine, I’ll say it. I like Beyonce. Anyone who can make booty shakin’ that popular is alright by me.

    And I now have “If I Were a Rich Man” stuck in my head. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

  9. The Guv Says:

    I only do these things for you, Red.

    I don’t sully her booty shaking it’s her voice and bad, bad songs I’m griping about. Woman can put me to sleep in about five seconds.

  10. dopeypants Says:

    I think booty shaking is highly overrated. Booty GRABBING however, is the new hot thing.

    Heh heh.

  11. Bert Bananas Says:

    if you call someone a ‘booty ass,’ will she be miffed?

  12. abroad Says:

    Me too! Except I know why I have had this song in my head all day… It’s because Topol (the broadway actor, not the smoker’s toothpaste) was on BBC news this morning. He’s doing a revival of Gigi in London but they kept playing him singing If I Were a Rich Man all thru the interview. Yaba ditty, ditty, ditty, yabba ditty, ditty do…

    Prior to listening to the interview I thought he was dead. OY!

  13. Chardsy Says:

    I don’t understand the way Beyonce talks. I mean, she didn’t sound like a post-op tranny when she was younger, why does she sound like one now?

  14. dopeypants Says:

    You mean she talks?

  15. Tony Alva Says:

    I was eating some Spaghetti-O’s the other night and as I pulled the steaming bowl of Franco American delight out of the microwave, in the red goo I saw 10 year-old Falwless at Jim and Tammy Faye Baker’s at Heritage Park. Sold the bowl of foul muck on Ebay for $1500. Sweet!

  16. The Guv Says:

    Dopey: Except that one might get you arrested. Maybe.

    Bert: Depends on the woman I’d say. Some might take it as the supreme compliment.

    Lady: For real? That song was on TV???? Did I telepathically will it or did it telepathically enter ME? I hate when things telepathically enter me. Plus it sounds obscene.

    Chard: Well my theory is her music has deteriorated into a series of moans and grunts therefore her language followed suit. Or she’s a post op tranny. 🙂

    Tony: That is AWESOME. I hear Fal has infiltrated many foodstuffs with her eventful past events. I also hear you will never be able to retire on the proceeds because they are so bountiful their value is practically zero. That girl has a LIFE.

  17. Catherinette Says:

    So what you’re saying is that all day long you’d biddy biddy bum if you were a wealthy man?

  18. The Guv Says:

    Girl, that’s fighting talk. I’d just gotten that wretched thing out of my head too. A curse on you bigger than “Funky Town”.

  19. Falwless Says:

    Of course I would appear in Spaghetti-Os, of all foods. That’s pretty much as classy as I get right there.

  20. WendyB Says:

    Beyonce’s husky man-style speaking voice freaks me out, as does the fact that she doesn’t wear my jewelry. If she wore my jewelry, I’d forgive the man voice.

  21. minijonb Says:

    my dreams tonight will all be set in Funky Town. thank you!!!

  22. The Guv'ner Says:

    Fal: At least you don’t appear in Cheerios. Or your name would be OOOOOOO.

    Wendy: I hear you there. She’s woman shaped but something’s going on there. I think she needs to invest in some Wendy Brandes jewelry and wear it on TV all the time. Free advertising by famous booty shaker. Of course it might sully your image slightly if she’s proven to be a she-male.

    Minijon: Hahahahaha!!! Gotta move oooooon! Once again it came back to bite me because I’d banished it from my head but now I’ve read your comment it’s back. A curse on you.

  23. dmarks Says:

    someone on eBay once was selling potato chips he found that looked like Sleestaks.

  24. Kate Says:

    Nothing to do with your post – but i love your site header – very cool.

  25. BeckEye Says:

    This reminds me….I made a joke a while back about Beyonce’s ubiquity where I said that I fully expect her to show up as a special guest at my next dentist appointment. Well, I have to get a root canal tomorrow. That beyotch better not be there singing about “to the left, to the left, pulling out the nerves in that tooth to the left.”

  26. The Guv Says:

    dmarks: 🙂 That idea itself is scary. 🙂

    Kate: Thank you! I didn’t make it though, some crazy guy made it for me. I’m particularly fond of the margarita.

    Beck: That would be the ultimate indignity – to have Beyonce follow you around. I mean a big internet celebrity like yourself with a celebrity stalker. Actually, it would be awesome publicity!

  27. so@24 Says:

    Goddammit Gov. Now that’s song stuck in my head… and it has to be Top 10 of Worst Songs to get stuck in your head.

    What a way to start a Monday

  28. The Guv Says:

    SO, Dude: Someone got “Seasons in the Sun” stuck in mine yesterday, and I wager THAT is worse.

    That and that Umbrella song.

    Thank me later!

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