Living La Vida Locomotive

When it comes to living conditions I’m a little odd, I’ve decided. It’s taken me a while to come to this conclusion but now that I have, a lot of things make sense.

You see, houses are all very well and good (and practical) but what I’d really like is to live in something a little more unconventional. Like a converted church with the stain glass windows still in place. Wouldn’t that be cool? Maybe a little odd, particularly for a diehard heathen like myself, but still, pretty splendid indeed. Or how about a renovated barn? That’d be kick ass, surely!

I also like the idea of buying up a bunch of those big-assed, metal shipping containers – those 40 foot long ones – and welding them together in various configurations then customizing them for the purpose of residing in them. You could have some pretty cool features, even though you’d possibly have to put up with your neighbors thinking you’d escaped from an institution for “special” people. (Luckily I’m used to that sort of thing.) But seriously, you could do all sorts of funky goodness with those shipping containers. Stop looking at me like that, you know I’m right! The Guv’ner is always right.

Then there’re these things. Am I the only one who thinks living in a giant passenger jet on a piveting pole is the coolest thing ever? I’m thinking not. Well ok, maybe I am. But come on, people, those are awesome and if you wouldn’t want to live in a giant plane in a field, you must be suffering from a rare brain mutation or something. Kind of like people who wear sweaters with pictures of their dogs on them (WTF?).

I’d also consider buying and outfitting some old train cars to live in or an out of commission boat or perhaps a grain elevator. No? I love Grain Elevators. Instead of the name of the town on the side I’d have it say “The Guv’ner invites you for pie” or “Guv Town”. Wouldn’t that be neat?

Or I could live in a tree house. I saw this documentary movie once about some old, crazy lady who lived in a tree house in some remote part of Hawaii and it was the coolest thing you ever saw. I mean sure, she was a dollar short of a wad, but man, she was the best kind of eccentric.

Or…I don’t know…a lighthouse or a windmill would be pretty cool. Anything funky like that would be right up my alley.

Anyone with suggestions of other possibly cool abodes, be sure to let me know, because I’m not insane enough already thinking about this stuff, truly.

Oh and hi! Sorry I’ve been gone so long. What can I say? I’ll make you all a mental cake. Or maybe even a pie.


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27 Responses to “Living La Vida Locomotive”

  1. Red Says:

    A windmill would be awesome. Or a train depot like in The Station Agent.

    Welcome back. I’ve missed you ever so much.

  2. The Guv Says:

    Oh yeah! I loved the idea of the depot. I love The Station Agent. An old station in the middle of nowhere appeals to me a lot! 🙂

  3. pistols at dawn Says:

    You should buy Sealand and live there, because not having your own country is soooo 2007.

  4. Tony Alva Says:

    We missed you…

    I like the old church idea. There was one in my old hometown that would be perfect.

    BTW, does anyone know what happened to r cubed?

  5. The Guv Says:

    PaD: You’re the 2nd person to mention Sealand to me in the last 24 hours. I’m getting scared that the apocalypse is coming or something… Plus my imagination is my own country.

    Tony: I was wondering the exact same thing myself today. What’s with all the Polish or whatever? Who sabotaged the cubed?

  6. BeckEye Says:

    If you could live inside a giant pie, that would be pretty cool.

  7. The Guv Says:

    Beck: GASP! A giant pie! Of COURSE!

    Wait…it would be good eating but there’s no windows in a pie and one needs windows. You can’t get anything past me you know.

    On the other hand, it’s a PIE! Awesome.

  8. Suze Says:

    A big shoe like Mother Goose except without all those freakin’ kids. Of course you’d have to untie the big ass shoe laces every day which would get kind of old. And perhaps spray some foot deodorizer every few months and find another place to stash your socks – but still it’s a freakin’ shoe. AWESOME!

  9. Suze Says:

    Also r cubed is now

  10. abroad Says:

    The first apartment that my husband and I lived in together (in sin, mind you we weren’t married) was the first floor of a converted convent built in the 1800’s. It had been the communal living space so the kitchen and dining room were huge. It had a very long center hallway and we called the living room “the ball room” because it was giant and had a fireplace big enough to walk into. On the other hand there were no closets and the landlord rented the parking lot to the church next door so it was very irritating during mass or bingo because people parked in front of our door all the time and we couldn’t get in or out.

    These days I prefer more conventional housing. I didn’t mean that to be a pun.

  11. The Guv'ner Says:

    Suze: Thank you for the new link! 🙂 And for the suggestion about the giant shoe of COURSE, because that’s totally practical and awesome…I think.

    Lady: That sounds FANTASTIC – well the idea anyway, maybe not the Church parking lot business and its associated traffic. Converted stuff is the best. Well unless it’s a converted abattoir or something in which case, ewwwwww.

  12. connie Says:

    Not too unconventional, but I dream of living in one of those geodesic dome homes – concrete and steel with thick styrofoam insulation. A (practically) hurricane proof rock, energy-efficient, no painting… and it does not blend in with the rest of suburbia. Round with triangle-y windows. I’d have to get one of those Smart cars, VW bug or some other round vehicle to match.

  13. The Guv'ner Says:

    Connie, oddly enough I was reading about dome houses recently online! They are most interesting. And cheaper than conventional houses. And with many benefits, as you pointed out.

    I was also reading about people wanting to decrease their carbon footprint by living in much smaller places and checking out the tiny houses people are constructing. Some are the size of a garden shed but laid out just right with loft beds etc. I’m not sure I could actually live in a tiny house that small but I’m certainly intrigued by the concept of it!

  14. BrandiB Says:

    Finally – someone who thinks like me. When driving around and seeing old churches and schoolhouses and such – I always think they would be great for turning into homes. Even old firehouses. Lovely!

  15. Red Says:

    See, the problem with the plane in the middle of a field is that it’s IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD. When one resides in Manhattan, I understand the appeal of a people-free zone and some peace and quiet now and then. Really, though, I want easy access to city stuff. Theatre, museums, restaurants – a little CIVILIZATION, please!

  16. Poobomber Says:

    I’d live in one of those shipping containers for sure – with my luck someone would load it up while I was sleeping and send me off to China or something.

  17. The Guv'ner Says:

    Brandi: You see? It’s perfect. And it’s recycling! Sort of! 🙂 You’re correct those things should be utilized.

    Red: Well I’m not suggesting your field should be in rural nowhere – it can be 10 minutes from a city! Everyone needs city conveniences even in the country. I’m with you there, hell yes.

    Poo: Well you do like to travel. Quit complaining! Free travel is good.

  18. Mathdude Says:

    Geez, where were you from 9/1 to 10/21? Were you and Falwless hanging out togather?

    On the chuch thing, what if you’re in the throws of sweaty passion and you look up to see a stained glass Jesus on the cross? That’d kill the mood for me!

  19. The Guv'ner Says:

    Well dude, I was involved in covert Government operations, so shhhh. Fal may or may not have been involved.

    As for the church passion stained-glass Jesus thing, that might enhance matters. Or not.

  20. Falwless Says:

    I like the tag “I might be loco.” Or rather I like the word “might.” YAY, you’re back!!

  21. The Guv'ner Says:

    Hey miss. I’d kick your ass for the “might” comment but I kinda like you, you insane bint.

  22. Gnugs Says:

    I want to live here: You figure out how I can do that without being arrested for squatting, I’ll be your personal “Squee” assassin.

  23. CDP Says:

    I missed you! No suggestions for weird dwellings, just welcome back!

  24. The Guv'ner Says:

    Gnugs: Let me give it some thought. I mean, the lady must have her castle, no?

    CDP: Thank you! Now I’m all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course I do have coffee, it could be that.

  25. Jenna Says:

    I was in this house once that had been a very old barn and attached house, with stone fireplaces and a spiral stone staircase, and then had been converted into an art gallery, so it had lots of windows, including a floor to ceiling stained glass one, and then had become a house. It was freaking amazing.

  26. The Guv'ner Says:

    Giz: I’m already drooling! I love things like that. It’s recycling at its best. Plus a stone fireplace that works is just too attractive to resist. I love those things.

    I need to buy a double decker bus and live in that.

  27. Mr. Moosefucker Says:

    Check this out.

    There is a guy actually offering converted shipping containers as a way of alleviating the housing crisis’ in poorer countries. He wants to sell them as permanent homes.

    I once spent a weekend in a friends home that was infact an old church it was the coolest place ever, I slept in the guest room on the balcony that was the choir section. And the neatest part was that the graveyard was still beside it because moving graves here is such a long and drawn out process they never bothered.

    Actually there is a graveyard about 50 meters from my place here. It’s in the forest and it’s over a hundred years old.

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