Archive for November, 2008

In Other News

November 12, 2008

Apparently Lindsay Lohan on “Access Hollywood”, referred to President Obama as the “first colored president”.

She then slaughtered a baby seal and sucked out its guts while commiserating with California’s decision to overturn the rights of gays to marry, by saying “It’s a setback sure, but soon fags everywhere will be able to get married like normal people.”

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7 Quirky Things

November 7, 2008

Kelly from Lavender Lattes held me at gunpoint and made me do this meme. Yes, really. Since I’m up exceptionally early I’m going to do it too. You can’t stop me. It’s about 7 weird or quirky things about me, to which I gasped aloud and muttered, “ONLY SEVEN?”

1. List 7 weird or quirky things about myself,
Or
2. Post the 5th photo from my 5th album for the whole dang world to see… (huh?)

7 Weird or Quirky Things about me:

One: Whenever I eat spicy food (and I like spicy food!) my ears tingle. The spicier the food the tinglier they get. It’s how I gauge my eatins! I actually had a sandwich from Subway last night that reached a 7.5 on the ‘OUCHY’ Scale! Those hot peppers, man. They’re weapons of mass tastebud destruction.

Two: When I get an idea I’ll think about it for hours. Days. Millennia! Like when I was thinking about how fun it would be as a project to build an abode from shipping containers a few weeks ago, I totally built the entire home IN MY IMAGINATION, from the welding to the wiring to insulating it… My brain latches on to something and won’t let it go till I’ve mentally covered it. I even pretended in my head like the shipping container thing was a reality show. “This is where I’m going to put the washer/drier and my spiral staircase will go here!” as I waved enormous power tools around and wore goggles and overalls and you all thought, while watching my mental TV, “Wow, that chick is AWESOME!

Three: I hate to lose at games. OK, it’s not so much I hate to lose as I hate that I’m totally incompetent at them. For example, I’ve been playing this Xbox car racing game lately where the aim is to smash into as much traffic as you can at high speeds, which, let me tell you, is very therapeutic indeed, but part of it is racing at the same time and I hate when I’m being incompetent at it and coming in last, which is often. Now in real life, you can cut me off at the lights and I don’t give a shit so long as I don’t smash into your stupid ass, even if I might mutter a bad word under my breath. In a driving GAME however, I will take you down, sucker. I will pound you into the nearest wall and send you over a ravine to your bloody, twisted death. And if you beat me I will sulk and smash MY car into stuff because I am five.

Four: I always hold the phone to my right ear. I can’t do it on the left side. It sounds different and wrong. Plus I need my left hand free to make gestures.

Five: I like National Anthems. Shhhh.

Six: Sort of like the ear thing, I can gauge how drunk I am by how my toes feel. A couple of cocktails they tend to tingle, another one makes them all rubbery. My toes are all knowing.

Seven: I have a third nipple on my butt. OK, it’s not really a third nipple, it’s a little bump that feels like a nipple. I mean I don’t go around feeling up my own butt all day or anything but I know it’s there. It’s always been there. If I was feeling a whole row of butts, I’d know mine instantly due to that little bump. Now there’s an image.

If you read all the way through that, I’m impressed. You must’ve had a lot of coffee.

Apparently There Was An Election

November 5, 2008

So Senator Obama is the new president of the United States!  Congratulations to him and his crazy supporters for staging the biggest rock concert campaign on Earth, ever.  Let’s hope he brings some positive change.  He’s certainly a reason to hope so, anyway.

obama

I thought Senator McCain might cry during his concession speech or at least refer to Obama as “Osama” or something equally bitter and twisted, but it turns out he’s classier than that.  Nice speech too.

mccain

I was sort of hoping Obama would come out and do his victory speech shirtless, a hooker on each arm and hoisting a keg over his head while yelling “BOOOOYA!!!!” but you can’t have everything I guess.

Me, I had beer or seven though, HELLO!

Thought while watching victory rally: No one’s assassinated Jesse Jackson  yet, how can that be?

In other news, while watching CNN’s coverage I noticed Wolf Blitzer can’t find a real chick who’ll talk to him so he decided to beam up a hologram one instead.

cnn-holograph-chick

One minute she was totally standing in line in Safeway and the next…CNN.  Why they did this I do not know because it wasn’t exactly compelling viewing.  I mean she didn’t even have on the Princess Leia gold bikini or anything, which would’ve been awesome and spiced things up a little.

They did it again later with the dude from the Black Eyed Peas who couldn’t string a coherent sentence together (he wasn’t wearing the gold bikini either, probably for the good of mankind, in his case).

WTF, CNN?

Totally off subject but is anyone else having problems with Yahoo’s mail services lately?  I haven’t been able to access my Yahoo mail in four days.  I can access the account but can’t get into my inbox.  What gives Y?