Posts Tagged ‘politics’

The Guv’ner Has Spoken

September 4, 2008

I hate politics. I hate everything about them. I think almost every politician, once they reach a tiny level of influence beyond a local arena, becomes a giant, insincere, deceptive douchebag, intent on serving their own purposes.

Here’s the thing. If the guy/woman you are thinking of voting for spends more time bashing their opponent’s doings, past doings or private life, kick them to the curb. That’s my motto. Who wants a person who cares more about the bad stuff their rivals might be concerned with rather than the good stuff that they (your guy) could possibly promise to do for the people?

Not that most politicians “do” anything much. It’s not about doing. You only promise to do during debates because how else do you get support? Once you’re in power you just shag your secretary, drive around in a limo and go to functions with rich, corporate executives while smoking Cuban cigars.

I have a better solution anyway when it comes to debates and the like. I think the whole thing’s gotten way too sophisticated. It’s all smug looks during debates and challenges. It’s all about impressing the people with your colossal intellect at conferences and during lobbying.

I say reduce all that down to its most base level. Get the opponents to strip down to their underwear and wrestle. In mud. Or jello, I’m not picky. Even mustard would do. Someone could adjudicate by saying, “Today’s issue is abortion – GO!” and old Biden and Palin could strip down to their underoos and white cotton bra and panty set from Hanes (it’s up to you to imagine who wears which) and get slippery. Then the winner has a nice victory and the loser…I don’t know, gets sodomized with a banana or something for wasting our time.

Palin's Campaign Photo

Palin's Campaign Photo

I might even watch those debates.

On second thoughts, the mere idea of John McCain or Dick Cheney ever getting jiggy while naked in jello is making me taste bile although the allure of seeing them sodomized by a banana (or a splintery piece of wood) is enticing.